We put so much emphasis on “doing’ in our culture, and very little on being. I believe this is one of the root causes of suffering. You might have a great job, or you might have a job you work at in order to get by, to keep a roof over your head, and some food in your refrigerator. Either way, how you’re being as you’re doing whatever you’re doing is really at the heart of whether you’re going to be happy or not.

You could be the CEO of some huge company, and never have to worry about paying your bills. But if you’re competitive with everyone, or you think everyone is out to get you, or that there’s only so much room at the top, if you “go for the jugular” because your outlook is “it’s a dog eat dog world”, then you’re probably pretty miserable (and I doubt you’re on this blog). If you’re working a job you wish you weren’t, but you’re having some compassion for yourself and everyone else, you’re probably happier than that CEO (and no, I’m not saying all CEO’s are unhappy or unkind, I’m just trying to illustrate a point. I know lots of people with high-profile jobs who are very actively giving back and trying to be of service).

We just have such an obsession with what people do and have, and not as much in who people ARE, or how they’re being in the world. Is it any wonder so many people feel alone? When you go to a party, what’s the second question people ask you after they know your name? I realize it’s a “safe” conversation starter, but so is, “So, where are you from?”, or, “What do you like to do on your ‘off’ time?” If you’re not worried about staying in the safety zone, you could try, “What’s the last thing that scared the sh&t out of you?”, or, “Have you ever jumped out of a plane, and would you, if the opportunity presented itself?”. Answers to any of those questions would tell you so much more about the person you’re speaking with than a rote response to queries about what they do.