Yogis Anonymous

Stand Up Eight

The key thing in life is not to give up. If finding inner peace was easy, the world would be full of happy, loving people, and we’d have a much different set of global circumstances, too. How it is outside is a reflection of how it is inside, and we simply have too many people at war within themselves at this moment in time.

In our culture, we’re taught to be against ourselves, we’re trained to have an adversarial relationship with our own bodies. In other words, we are taught to go to war at home. You’re going to live in your body for your whole life, so in a very real sense, it IS your home, and you’re going to keep the company of your internal dialogue. How sad that we’re taught that almost nothing about us is okay, and how obvious it is that we’d need some healing. This business of being human is not easy, and you may feel lost, alone and in darkness for quite some time. Yesterday in one of the threads, someone said she wished she had a set of tools for healing. The best tool for getting unstuck is knowing yourself. Figuring out what makes you tick, what lights you up, what feeds your soul. And then finding the courage to make choices that are in alignment with your big, resounding inner YES. Acknowledging and embracing your pain so it doesn’t rule your life. Accepting all parts of yourself not with shame or fear, but with grace, with compassion. Understanding that your work is not to be perfect, but to be real, to be perfectly you, perfectly human.

How do you know yourself? There are so many tools. I teach yoga because that’s the set of tools that worked, and continues to work for me, six days a week, and more than twenty years (and counting) later. Talking to at least one someone you trust is also essential. Someone who will mourn with you, but will also kindly hold up a mirror for you when you are not showing up as your highest self, or when you are acting in a way that is harmful to your own well-being. A great therapist will do those things for you. Treating yourself well, feeding yourself well, and examining relationships with people that may not be healthy. Getting out in nature, feeling the sun on your skin, the breeze on your face. Reading books that open you, that shed a little light into your darkness (anything by Pema Chodron, Sylvia Boorstein’s, “Happiness is an Inside Job”,”The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz, “The Hero’s Journey” by Joseph Campbell, “Devotion” by Dani Shapiro, and “Being Peace” by Thich Nhat Hanh are all favorites of mine, along with the poems of Mary Oliver, David Whyte, Rumi, Rainer Maria Rilke…I could go on and on, but that’s a good start if you need some inspiration), and a seated meditation practice (check out http://www.dhamma.org/ if you’re interested). These are the tools in my particular shed, but knowing yourself means figuring out what you need in yours.

Falling down and staying down is a commitment to misery and darkness and rage and bitterness. It’s going to be a long, unhappy life like that. Yesterday someone else said they’d given up, but I don’t believe that, because then, what are you doing on this page? You know I’m gonna come out swinging every day about the beauty in life and the beauty in you, and that I’m going to keep talking about healing yourself and doing the work and being accountable and taking a hold of this one, amazing, gorgeous, painful, unpredictable life, and riding it all the way. Please don’t give up on yourself, or on life. That would be such a shame. Because no one else can be you. You are the only you we’ve got, and you have your own particular gifts to uncover and share. Robbing yourself of that opportunity is also robbing yourself of the joy of life, the sweetness of your purpose, the great, true laughter of your heart. It’s also robbing the world of gifts only you can offer. You may have grown up, you may shave your face every morning, or your legs, but there is still a little kid inside you who is hoping beyond hope that you will do it. That you will face the dragons and slay the sh&t out of them. That you will charge the fence with everything you’ve got and break yourself out of the illusion that you are not good enough, or that the world isn’t beautiful even with all its pain. Fall down seven times, stand up eight. Don’t let yourself down, don’t let yourself get counted out. I hope you stand up right now. Sending you love, and a very hot cattle-prod if you need one, Ally Hamilton

Be the You of You

Here’s the thing. You can blame other people or certain events for your unhappiness and bitterness, or you can decide right now (if you didn’t a long time ago), that your life is yours. I’m not speaking to people who’ve weathered the pain of losing a loved one too soon. I believe that’s the kind of pain that lives in your heart forever, but I do believe it’s possible to live again. To live for those people we’ve lost, to soak in all the beauty of life on their behalf, and our own.

I’m speaking more to the people who are caught in the cycle of rage and rationalization. It’s your work to heal yourself, your business to be responsible for what you say and do, and your life to love or to wreck. Whatever may have happened in your past does not have to define you. It may shape you but it does not have to ruin you, or your chances for peace. The power is yours. I say this understanding the experiences of heartache and pain in this life are not the same for everyone. That for some people what I’m suggesting will be easier, simply because their path has not been as full of the sharp edge of mourning, even the mourning for your own innocence if you were robbed of it. And often, self-esteem is a huge part of the puzzle. Sometimes we’re taught that we aren’t of value, that we aren’t lovable, and that how we feel or what we have to say is not important. But those are lies, and they can be unlearned. Sometimes things happen, like we’re abandoned, and we take the experience to heart, and run ourselves ragged trying to be loved.

It’s my belief that almost everyone who gets serious about healing can do it. It’s not easy, and most people need some help. It’s not what I would call “a fun time.” But it’s a lot better to have some acute pain for a relatively short period, than it is to have a lifetime of misery where you are either hurting yourself or other people, or frequently both. When you don’t conquer those places within you that are full of the rage of why, you’ll just keep acting out unconsciously, fighting the battle as if it’s happening outside yourself.

I get fired up about this topic because I believe the only way to a more loving and peaceful world is for everyone in it to journey inward, and examine the catalog of their losses, their shame, their guilt, their fear, doubt, confusion, desperation, loneliness, insecurity, rage, and just face that sh&t down. It doesn’t have to own you. And the blame game is a huge cop-out. Today belongs to you. You get to decide how you’re going to show up. You can be angry, or you can dig deeper and figure out what that anger is about, because I guarantee you if you dig, you’re going to find pain. The part of this thing that requires courage is the part that demands your vulnerability. Being soft in this world takes courage. I highly recommend softness. That’s where love lives. And joy, and unguarded laughter, and innocence and kindness and gratitude. Be courageous so you can be soft, so you can open, so you can become the you of you, and get back to the business of saying yes to life. Because the rest of it is a waste of time, and time is precious, and wasting it is such a shame. Sending you so much love, and feeling very grateful to be on this whizzing, spinning rock with you, Ally Hamilton

Against the Wind

The times in my life when everything fell apart were also the times when the seeds of something new were born. Because when everything is going wrong, we have no choice but to start moving in a different direction. Buddha said, “The obstacle is the path”, and even though it doesn’t feel that way when we come up against a block, that is, indeed, the doorway.

If nothing is going right, it’s probably time to examine the choices you’ve been making, the stories you’ve been feeding, and your way of thinking about yourself and the world. I know that’s a confrontational thing to say. I fully realize there are times when life brings a set of circumstances that sends us reeling, like the loss of a loved one. In those instances, nothing is going to feel right for quite some time. But I’m not talking about that. I’m saying if you feel miserable with your life and it’s not due to one heartbreaking event, then you probably feel miserable with yourself. If you feel stuck, there is almost certainly room for healing. In her beautiful book, “When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times”, Pema Chodron says, “Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know”. If you’re at a place where you feel deeply sad and somewhat immobilized, there’s a doorway to healing you really need to find, open, and walk through.When we avoid exploring those raw places within ourselves that mark our deepest pain, we set ourselves up to wander in the darkness feeling lost and lonely and hopeless. It might seem that denial or numbing out would be easier than heading straight for the center of your pain, but that’s actually a recipe for swimming in it relentlessly. And treading water is exhausting, and that’s certainly no way to live. In order to heal anything, we have to acknowledge it. We have to lean up against it with open arms and say, “Yes, here is a scar…let me run my fingers along it, and open to this old pain. Let me spill my tears, and if I need to, let me bleed again, until the heat of this thing is released. Let me have compassion for myself, and if necessary and possible, anyone else who may have been involved.” Until you can do that, your pain owns you, and it factors in to every choice you make. If you’ve ever experienced the physical pain of a broken bone, or a migraine, or anything outside the common stubbing of a toe, then you know trying to think clearly while you’re in pain is next to impossible. Pain is depleting and debilitating. Emotional pain is not any different, it’s just not as obvious. We can learn to live with it and cope with it and shove it down and deny that it exists, but again, anything about yourself that is unknown to you, or any secrets you keep will own you.

You may not be doubled over in pain, your pupils may not dilate. In fact, you might pull off a smile pretty convincingly. But if you’re in pain, you will know it. You will know it because just living life will be hard. Getting through the day will require effort. And life does not have to be like that. Life can be incredibly beautiful. It really is such a gift, just to be granted another day where you have the potential to spread so much love and joy and laughter. Where you have the opportunity to take in all the miracles around you, in the form of people, the twinkle in someone’s eye, or the unguarded laugh of a child, the gorgeous sun, or a tree swaying in the wind. It’s hard to see any of that when we are in pain and darkness. Head for the darkest corner you’ve got, and wait for your light to start shining. It comes in the form of your intuition, in the voice of your heart, in your ability to allow your past to soften you and open you, and not to harden you. When something inside you finally cries, “Enough!”. Everything does not have to be perfect for you to start shining. In fact, everything can be a perfect mess. Walk right into the middle of it, and take off on the wings of your heart. Calmer days are ahead, but you might have to fly through some storms for awhile to find them. Sending you a ton of love, and letting you know your heart makes an excellent flotation device, so there’s nothing to fear. Ally

Worrying

This is the thing about the mind: If you don’t get a hold of it, it will head into the past or into the future, and pull you right out of the present moment. Worrying is nothing more than creating a state of anxiety about an event that may or may not come to pass. Worrying will not magically add money to your bank account, or have any effect whatsoever on any situation in your life, except that it will make you sick. Sick with tension. Being tense doesn’t help anything, either. It just makes it hard to eat or sleep. Sleep deprivation will also wear you down and make your thinking muddy. So why do we do it?

When we worry, it’s an attempt to control or predict a future outcome, or it’s an attempt to manage another person’s path. We run every awful scenario through our heads and rehearse our possible reactions. And in so doing, we both over-estimate and under-estimate our power. Of course if you love someone and they are in trouble, worrying about their well-being is natural, but it’s not going to help them. Using your energy to be a source of strength is a lot more helpful. Extending an ear, a shoulder, a hug, tangible support if you’re in a position, are all much more useful than your worry. And sometimes we can love people who are on a path to hurt themselves, and at a certain point, if they’re determined enough, there’s not much we can do but be there. We can’t save other people.
There are times we get ourselves completely worked up over a non-event, a non-issue. Obsession has a very similar set of side effects as worry. When we boil ourselves over a past event or a predicted outcome, although the event isn’t taking place in the present, it might as well be. Because when we fixate on something like a conversation that didn’t go the way we wanted it to, or one we’re anxious about having, we create a set of circumstances in the body that are not much different than they would be if this feared or unfortunate thing was happening right now. Or than they were when the past event happened. Your blood pressure doesn’t differentiate between an actual event or an imagined one if you get yourself worked up enough. Next time you’re “boiling yourself”, notice your shallow breath, your tensed shoulders, your clenched jaw, your furrowed brow. Your body is in a state of stress, and your mind has created it.

Sometimes logic helps. If you catch yourself spiraling, see if you can pull yourself out of it with a few questions: Is the way I’m thinking going to help in any way? Is it a productive way for me to think? Is it going to help me grow and open and learn something about myself? Am I in a state of resentment and blame? Is this a good use of my time and energy? If you come to the conclusion that no good will come from your train of thought, then you have to break out of the groove of it. Something physical usually helps a lot. For me it’s yoga, the movement and the breath, the awareness of sensation, the quieting of my mind, and the opening of my heart. But for some people it’s running, or wind-surfing, or gardening, or hiking. I do think moving your body and breathing deeply are key. If you can’t move your body because you’re stuck at work, then breathe deeply and consciously. If you can get out in nature, or even walk around the block, that is almost always soothing to the soul. Sometimes a dance party to the right song in your living room, or behind the wheel of your car is enough to shake the obsession off. But try to stop the tape and come back to now.

If you’re worrying or obsessing, put your hand over your heart so you can feel it beating, sit up as tall as you can, and take a really full inhale. Hold it in, and then let it all out. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Because you are so beautiful, and you have so much love within you, and that is available to you right now, in this moment. If you’re struggling to keep a roof over your head and food in your refrigerator, I fully get that asking you not to worry is not only unrealistic, it lacks compassion. And if you’re in that place, my heart really goes out to you. But short of that, I just thought I’d invite you back to now. Because we could hang out here together, recognizing that life brings all kinds of ups and downs, all kinds of joy and pain, all kinds of darkness and light, and worrying about any of it won’t change a thing. But being present for the ride is exhilarating. Wishing you a gorgeous day, everything that you need, and the knowledge that you are not alone. Sending love, as always, Ally Hamilton

Get Your “Validation” Stamped Right Here!!

We’re hit with so many messages all day long about everything that is wrong with us. We don’t look right or smell right or feel right. We don’t drive the right car or live in the right house. We are trained to be against our own bodies (battle of the bulge! no pain no gain, all the conversation about guilt and shame), and there’s a pill for everything. There’s a pill if you’re sad, another if you’re anxious, one for sleeping, one for waking up. There’s a pill if you get uncomfortable in social situations, a pill to get you excited and another to calm you down. There’s a pill to grow your hair, and places for you to wax it in areas where we don’t like hair. There are dating sites and Hollywood movies and billboards and magazines and reality shows left and right that suggest if you could just meet the right person, presto! All your problems would be solved. And the whole time, there’s an underlying message that if you just keep striving and working and buying and dieting, and competing with your neighbors, eventually you will be skinny enough or buff enough or rich enough or fill-in-the-blank enough to be happy. But the truth is, if you follow this formula, all you’re going to be is exhausted and depressed. There are pills for that, too.

Here’s the reality: You. Are. Enough. You have your heart, which is yours alone. There has never been, and there never will be, another you. Your gifts, once you uncover them, are precious. No one else can offer them, your offering is yours. There is NO PILL that could ever replicate or replace you. You are beautiful and within you exists the potential for more love and happiness than you could ever find outside yourself.

If you’re not careful, you’ll buy into the hype. We’re inundated with these messages, and if you don’t shut down all that white noise, you’ll start believing you’re not good enough. That voice in your head will start repeating all this stuff and then you’re really in a world of pain. Don’t let it happen. Love yourself. Remember that you’re precious. Heal whatever needs to be healed within you so you can shine and share your gorgeous light. That’s priceless, you know? Sending you so much love, Ally

The Full Range of Motion of Your Heart

When my son was six, he fell off the jungle gym at school on Halloween morning and broke his elbow. He was in a cast for a month, and when you’re an active, six-year old kid, that feels like an eternity. On the afternoon I took my kids to the orthopedist to have the cast removed, it was like Christmas morning. We were all really excited that he was “getting his arm back.” When the cast came off, he looked at his arm. The skin was very dry and peeling in places. It hadn’t seen the light of day in a month, after all. When the nurse left the room, my son looked at me with his brow furrowed and very quietly said, “I thought it was going to look normal.” I could tell he was trying not to cry. I explained that we are all shedding skin all the time, and that the skin on his arm would be back to normal in no time. I also told him it was fine to cry, but that he didn’t need to worry. He also discovered that he couldn’t make a fist yet, or fully bend or straighten his arm. For the rest of that day, he carried his arm as if the cast was still on it. He did his homework with his right hand for the first time in a month, but other than that, he continued to use his left arm.

Anyway, all of this got me thinking about expectations, and also about times we feel compressed or restricted, and what happens when we’re finally free. There are few things more likely to land us in a world of trouble than our own expectations of how things should be, or how other people should feel or behave, or how life should look (expectations tend to keep the company of the word “should”, and whenever I find myself using that word I stop and check in. Because there are only a few places the word “should” isn’t dangerous. Like, everyone should floss. Or, people should pick up after their dogs).

When walking into a situation, whether it be a new job, a party at a friend’s house, or new a relationship, I really believe the two best things to be are curious, and breathing consciously. The minute we unpack a bunch of our expectations all over a circumstance, we deny ourselves and anyone else involved the possibility of just being present, open and aware. We lose the chance to explore and figure out, with open eyes, whether this is the kind of situation that is going to bring us love, growth, and fulfillment, or whether it really doesn’t feel right. Sometimes we get attached to an outcome and breeze right by the fact that our heart is saying, “No, this is not the way.” I think a lot of this comes from our desire to control things. If we can predict the future based on the past, it becomes less uncertain. And most humans suffer from fear of the unknown to some degree or another.

The thing is, the whole future is unknown. We really don’t know what will happen in our lives in the next ten minutes, hours, days, weeks, years. We can’t predict that or control it. Having intentions is great. Knowing yourself, and uncovering what it is that lights you up, and committing to spreading your gifts wherever you go is beautiful. But expecting life to unfold in a particular way is a set-up. You set yourself up to feel disappointed if it doesn’t look like the picture in your head. And life rarely does. Sometimes it brings more beauty and joy than you ever could have imagined, and other times it breaks your heart wide open and hands you the kind of devastation that leaves you working to just breathe. We may as well open to what is, and face the reality that everything is always changing, and that one day we will all exhale for the last time, so there’s nothing to do but get busy living. Growing. Accepting, Surrendering to the beauty and the pain.

The other thing is that cast. It reminded me of times in my life when I’ve felt restricted or compressed. When I’ve allowed my light to be dimmed for any number of reasons. You can get used to compression; it can become your “new normal.” It got me thinking about the pain of that, because it requires complicity. Nothing and no one can dim your light unless you allow that to happen, unless you participate in that dimming. You won’t do that when you’re loving yourself, but when you’re in pain, you might. Digging your way out of that kind of darkness is not easy, because it requires that you look at your participation. You examine why you took part in the crushing of your own soul. Those are important questions, and you need the answers in order to heal, and move forward, and carry the light in your heart as the miraculous gift that it is. Your offering is precious because no one can offer it but you.

The funny thing is, once you step outside into the light, you might not know exactly what to do with yourself at first. Your soul may need a minute to realize the cast has come off. A moment to expand, to reach out, to flex its muscle and start shining again. The full range of motion of your heart is mind-blowing. Your soul on fire is a feeling you don’t want to miss. See if you can drop your expectations and expand fully in every direction, but give yourself time, and have compassion. This business of being human is not easy, and the path to opening is similar to that very first path to opening we all endure–it’s dark and the way is not always clear, and as we struggle toward the light we get squeezed and eventually we come out and take that huge inhale. And then we wail. And then with love and a lot of help we figure it out. Life is a constant opportunity for rebirth, for breathing, and for helping each other along the way. Lots and lots of love to you, Ally Hamilton

Don’t Burn Yourself

This is often a tough one for people, but holding on to resentment, old stories and anger will only make you sick, and it’s the worst kind of sickness, too. It’s the kind that depletes your energy and blocks your ability to love as fully and deeply as you could. It’s the kind that has a grip on you, that sometimes makes it hard to breathe. The uncomfortable truth is that you’re the one holding on, if you’re full of resentment and pain over something in your past.

Sometimes people feel if they forgive it’s like saying whatever happened is okay, but that isn’t true. There’s some desire to keep score, to hold that tally card and make sure it’s marked correctly, in permanent ink. But nothing in this life is forever, and nothing is certain, either. Forgiving people and eventually wishing them well is not the same as saying whatever happened is okay with you. It just means your commitment to your own peace and happiness is greater than your determination to file away another person’s transgression in the library of your soul. In order to keep those feelings of anger or pain alive, you have to feed them, you have to stoke the flame every so often. Retell the story to a new friend, or re-boil yourself over it on a dark day. It takes a lot of energy to carry heavy stories around with you everywhere. But if you get more interested in your own healing, you won’t want to tell that old story anymore, or keep it alive in your heart.Forgiving someone means you are unhooking your journey from theirs. You are saying, in effect, that you are not letting your past dictate your future, you are not going to drag old feelings into new situations, you are not going to allow yourself to be defined by things that have happened to you. You are taking responsibility for your own happiness. And that unhooking is also a detaching. I don’t believe it’s possible to detach without doing the work to heal first, without leaning into your pain and acknowledging it, without having compassion for yourself. But when you’ve given yourself the time, space and respect to move through all those feelings, I believe you can let it go. Liberate yourself. Open yourself up to new stories, new experiences with more knowledge and understanding about yourself. And when you detach and remove the charge from the situation, there’s really no reason not to wish someone well, to hope that they’ll heal. I fully realize this is where the “we are all one” conversation becomes extraordinarily challenging. But if you really believe that, as I do, then you have to want everyone to heal–to grow, to open, to move toward love. Because the more healed and loving people we have walking around on this planet, the better it is for everyone.

Commit to your own well-being. Take charge of your story and start to co-create it in a way that feels good to you. Forgive life if you need to, with the understanding that is isn’t fair, and that sometimes unbelievably painful losses fall upon the best people. The ride of life does not take place on a level field, after all. Become more interested in your own potential to feel the limitless love you have within you. Don’t let anyone or anything rob you of that; that’s your light. People will do and say all kinds of incomprehensible things in this life, the work is to see the pain beneath their words or actions. That doesn’t mean you have to want to hang out with them. It just means you take your power back, because life is short. I don’t believe there’s any time to make yourself sick with resentment. There’s controversy over the origin of this quote, but it’s a good one, whoever said it: “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” Don’t burn yourself anymore if you have been. Love yourself. Heal yourself. Free yourself. And shine. Sending you so much love, as I always am, Ally Hamilton

Your Heart Can Fly

Do you know how I feel when someone lets me merge in traffic or holds a door open? When a stranger smiles and means it? Reassured about the world. Happy. Thankful and hopeful. Because that stuff is just as potentially contagious as sticking your traffic finger out the window of your car, or letting the elevator doors close “accidentally on purpose.”

We are energetic creatures, and wherever we go we’re spreading energy, and absorbing it. Now some of that can be a choice…you can decide not to let the fact that someone cuts you off on the freeway effect your blood pressure or your mood. You can decide not to allow someone else’s comments or actions rob you of the joy or peace you might be cultivating in your own heart in that particular moment. You do not have to receive the gift of someone’s anger unless it belongs to you. If you want to do a little advanced practice, you can wave and smile at the people who cut you off and confuse the sh&t out of them and drive away with a big grin on your face. And you can also decide to be accountable for the energy you’re contributing as you move through your day. Especially if you’re angry about something, or feeling dark. Which is perfectly natural, but not necessarily something you want to be spreading all over the place.

Whenever it’s possible, whenever you’re feeling it within you, spread some light, some joy, some kindness. Share your smile, that twinkle in your eye, or the kind of laughing that makes your sides ache. Share hugs and hope, and act on those spontaneous feelings of wanting to help people, even if, (maybe especially if), you don’t know them. It’s natural for us to care about each other. We’re hard-wired for compassion (Google “mirror neurons”). We’re just out of practice. We’ve bought into a story that is a lie. We have been taught to be hard, to compete, to “get ahead or get left behind”. Unlearn that stuff, it is not authentic to you, or me, or anyone else. Drop the armor.

We humans, we really need connection. None of us is alone here, but it can feel that way sometimes, when people are cold or harsh or distracted or racing by. Be one of the people who’s holding a door open. Because there’s a secret to living this life in a way that feels incredible. There’s a formula, and for some crazy reason, it doesn’t get shared enough. The more you spend your time and energy trying in whatever big and little ways you can to uplift other people, the happier and more fulfilled and full of purpose you’re going to feel. Spread the wings of your heart and fly into this day and share every ounce of love you’ve got because you will never run out. Sending you love, Ally Hamilton

Make Your Art

This is pretty much how I feel about life. Every day we are granted is a chance to make art. The art of living life with your heart open. The art of moving from, and with love. The art of healing yourself, of listening deeply, of giving whatever you’ve got to spread some light, some joy, some laughter. The art of a great hug. The art of creating a space where healing is likely to occur, for yourself, and for as many other people as you can. Some of the most beautiful art I know, is the art of being present. Of giving someone your time, your attention, access to your soul. Everyone deserves that. To be truly seen, heard, experienced.

You won’t always succeed, but treating your life and the way you’re living it as your canvas, and painting it with every gorgeous color in your soul is the only way I know to make the art you’re here to share. Worrying about how you’ll be received or perceived is all too human, but it’s also a complete waste of your resources. Trying to please everyone is exhausting and impossible, and it’s also a surefire way to cut yourself off from your inspiration, your yes, your divine spark. If you make your art from a place of love, you really can’t go wrong. You may not please everyone, but as long as you aren’t intentionally hurting anyone (I’m not talking about those times when we will all inevitably hurt people because we’ve grown in a different direction. I’m talking about indifference to someone else’s well-being, feelings, situation, heart), you have to shine your light. You have to dip your brush in the well of what is true for you, and splash the stuff that lights you up from within, all over your canvas. It is not your job to convince anyone that your art is worthwhile or important or good. It’s not your job to wipe someone else’s lenses and sell them on how awesome you are. You are supposed to be awesome. You’re no different than the sun, or the ocean, or the bella luna. You’re part of all of that, with some stardust splashed in, too. There is nothing to prove. There are just many incredible and obvious things to be: Curious, loving, open, attentive, laughing, grateful, awake, amazed.

That’s your light, and you’re meant to shine it. You’re meant to uncover it and share it and spread it everywhere you go. We need to feel that connection to what is true for us, and the joy in life comes from the sharing of it. Of course it is extra special to be received with love. But you are love, so you can do that for yourself, too. Some people will come and share some of their art on your canvas in this life if you let them. And you will sometimes paint on someone else’s also. If you have children one day, you will want them to finger paint all over your stuff until they find their own canvas. Sometimes in life someone’s art complements our own so well, we decide to share a space to shine, and sometimes the art moves in two different directions. If at all possible, celebrate the process of making it, and try not to worry too much about whether it’s turning out the way you envisioned. Maybe you’ll surprise yourself. Maybe some color will come out of you that you never knew existed. Be bold. Be willing to get messy. Try not to be disturbed when every color coming out of you is dark. If you looked back on the canvases of the most happy people you know, I guarantee you somewhere you’d find the midnight blue of despair. The dark grey of loneliness. The muddy brown of confusion. The blackness of fear. And splashes of those shadow colors throughout the entire piece. How else would you see the extraordinary light if not for the darker hues? Because this work of being human is messy and complicated. Sometimes it will break your heart, and sometimes your broken heart will open in ways that create the most piercingly beautiful colors. It is all gorgeous and necessary and worthwhile. It is all your art. And it is stunning, just like you.

And just so you know, you can come paint on my canvas anytime. Sending you so much love, and flicking a little paint at you, too, Ally Hamilton

one little step….

It’s Monday again. We just celebrated Thanksgiving, and they’re already playing the Christmas music. Soon it will be New Year’s Eve and people will be making resolutions. Time passes so quickly, and it’s very easy to think life will begin some time in the future, when “things calm down”, or you don’t have to work so hard, or you’ve realized your dreams, or met the “right” person (YOU are the right person!), or you get yourself out of a rut emotionally, financially, or creatively. Life will begin when you have a different job, or you lose ten pounds, or have a bigger house or drive a different car. Life will happen during your two weeks of vacation time, or when you retire. As if your time is promised. As if life will wait for you to be ready. The thing is, this is it. Life is happening right now, today, in this very moment. And it might not look anything like the picture you’ve had in your head about how it “should” look; nonetheless, this is it.

One of the greatest gifts of a consistent yoga practice, is just the growing ability to face reality as it is, which is not always as we want it to be. To be present and awake and aware in each moment. To be accountable for how we feel and what we do (or don’t do) about it. To know ourselves, to discover what lights us up, what feeds our soul, what brings out that resounding YES. There’s the yoga that happens on the mat, and if you stay with it long enough, there’s the yoga that happens when your heart is broken. There’s the yoga of being betrayed. There’s the yoga of having a painful conversation or making a decision that fills us with the truth of this is what I need to do. There’s all kinds of yoga. For me personally, yoga grabbed me by the heart, and took me on a life-changing journey that required I shed anything that was not authentic to me. It has not always been a fun trip; in fact there are times it’s been incredibly painful. A couple of days ago I was talking about the “Dark Night of the Soul”, and I think for most yogis who practice consistently and with dedication, that’s not a part of the journey that gets skipped. But I’m at the point now, 20+ years in, and with that “dark night” way behind me, that I find the experience really exhilarating. (That doesn’t mean I don’t have tough days, they just don’t last 5 years ;-)). I could keep calling it a trip or a journey, but I just mean Life. Because that’s what it is. It’s an ever-changing ride where you either keep opening and growing and learning and becoming and accepting and surrendering and returning again and again and again to Love, or you slowly die. Sleepwalking is an option. Numbing out can be a way of life. People do it all the time. But it sure isn’t fun. I know, because I did it. For quite awhile I held on to my sad story and fed it and kept it alive and well. I used it to rationalize my unhappiness and poor choices. When I wandered in to my first yoga class, I was in an unhealthy relationship, I had no real idea what I was doing with my life (granted, i was 20, and what 20-year old does, but still, I was on the Road to Nowhere. At Columbia University with some amazing professors and some close friends, but really, a mess inside. From the outside, good. And that’s mostly what our culture encourages. You can be falling apart inside, but as long as you look shiny, carry on!)

I look back on my life then with some humor, and a lot of compassion for myself. I have incredible gratitude for everything that’s happened in my life, even the deeply painful stuff, because it’s brought me to this moment. And I understand what it is to feel alone, in darkness, like no one really knows you or sees you. I know the lie of that, because I’ve been there. Even though it isn’t true, it hurts with a reality that is like a knife in the heart. And I teach yoga and I write about these things because I know life does not have to be like that. It really can be so beautiful. The kind of beauty that makes your heart ache and your breath catch, and your eyes well up with gratitude, because, wow, I could have missed this. I could have slept right through this. I could have lived a life of unhealthy choices and blame and anger and despair and loneliness, and instead I get this. This chance every day to do whatever I can to spread some love. Some light. Some, hey, it’s okay, really. And I love my life today in a way the 20-year old me would never have believed or thought possible. It isn’t perfect. But my mind really doesn’t dwell on that. I have two healthy happy children, so I really have NO problems. If you’re a parent, you know what I mean. I get up, and I do something all day that I find incredibly fulfilling, and that is such a huge blessing. I see the ocean, or a tree blowing in the breeze, and I think, wow. This is insane. This life is an embarrassment of riches. A feast for the soul. And when it’s painful, I know I’m being opened more deeply, I’m learning something or releasing something or realizing something. I do think there is some pain in this world that opens us a little too much. That leaves us raw and grieving. That opens a place in our hearts that will never fully close. But I also believe pain like that creates the most compassionate people. The people who go through that kind of pain and are still able to find the beauty in life are practicing the most advanced yoga there is. Because to me, it’s all yoga.

Lately, I’ve been getting lots of messages and comments in the threads about the tools I’ve personally used for healing. I teach yoga because it changed my life, and I feel if it worked in such profound ways for me, there’s the potential it could do that for anyone. That’s why I get so fired up in the yoga room. I think the potential for healing for many many people is greatly enhanced with some consistent yoga in the mix. If you want to be at peace, you are going to have to journey inward, and I don’t personally know of a better doorway to yourSelf than a yoga practice. (There may be, there are certainly many paths to One Love, I just don’t personally know one). I want to share this stuff because it’s no magic bullet, you have to be dedicated, but it has never let me down. Not once. That’s the reason we decided to stream some of our classes live from our studio in Santa Monica. Because I know there are people who are intimidated to come to a studio and check it out. And I know in some places in the country and the world, there aren’t yoga studios on every corner. I realize a lot of you are yogis, and many of you already practice with me through our live-streaming site. But because you’re all so amazing about sharing these posts, our tribe is growing rapidly which makes me so grateful and so happy. And I just wanted to offer any of you who aren’t already, the chance to practice with me for free for 15 days. I’d be totally honored to hang with you in your living room and see if we can make some magic happen. If you’re not into it, you just cancel before the 15th day. But if you feel like this Monday, you want to take one little step, I just thought…this might be it. If you took a class every day for 15 days, I can almost guarantee you’d start to feel a shift happening in your life. If you want to give it a go, use the coupon code “lovemyfbtribe” at https://yogisanonymous.com/members/

I really hope that’s helpful to some of you. Sending you a ton of love, as I always am, Ally

Answer the Questions that are Going to Feed Your Soul

Can you imagine if the questions were: How much money did you make? How much stuff did you accumulate? How many hours did you work? How many accolades did you receive? How much did you weigh? Would that not be INSANE??! And yet, that seems to be much of our focus. And people buy into this (literally), and live their entire lives as slaves to the wrong questions.

They’re the wrong questions if you want to be happy, anyway. I am absolutely positive life is not about accumulating money and stuff. Are there the basic necessities of keeping a roof over your head and food in your refrigerator and clothes on your back? Absolutely. But once those needs are met and you’re not scrambling to make ends meet, your happiness quotient is not going to expand in any kind of correlation to your bank account. If you’re not happy on the inside, nothing external will fix that. And if a person isn’t thankful for everything they already have, they’re not going to be satisfied with more. If you can’t take the time to eat a slice of pie and really savor it, a whole pie isn’t going to help you with that. Because it will never be enough. If you don’t fill the void with love, it’s a bottomless pit.

Loving well is an art. It takes constant practice and study and patience and a willingness to be totally vulnerable. You have to expose the soft underbelly of your heart and offer it up. It requires listening well. Seeing well. And it means figuring out how to do those things for yourself, too. Love doesn’t control or manipulate or cling. It accepts and it surrenders with grace, with understanding. Love celebrates truth, and sometimes love is required to let go. Love wants to lift us up, to say yes! Go, do that thing that’s burning within you, whether I get to come along or I’m left to watch you shine from afar. Love honors us and says, of course you can. Loving well means walking through the world with your hands, heart, mind and eyes wide open. And love is inside of everyone. Sometimes people have to dig deeply to uncover it, but I believe we’re all made of the stuff, and learning to love well simply involves realizing that.

Living fully is so much about listening to your heart, to your intuition, to that YES inside you that’s bursting to come out. About recognizing that every single day is a gift to be opened and relished, and hopefully, received as another chance to spread more love. To finding your purpose, your gifts, and sharing them everywhere you go, to the best of your ability. Living fully involves presence, awareness, engagement and a desire to take nothing for granted. No smile, no touch on the arm, no rushed goodbye on the way out the door.

And letting go is embracing the reality that everything, everything is in a constant state of change. Nothing is certain except that nothing is certain. That scares the sh&t out of most people and it’s so understandable. But we are not in control. We do not get to decide what will happen and what won’t happen. All we can do is move toward healing and love, over and over again. All we can do is love with our whole hearts and try with everything we’ve got to shine as brightly as we can for as long as we’ve got. To help each other. To lend a hand, a shoulder, whatever is needed. Each day we are given an opportunity to practice. Each day we have a chance to move from love. The more we’re able to do that, the happier the day will be. If you can string a whole bunch of those together, that’s a formula for a very happy life. Make sure you’re living answers to the questions that are going to feed your soul. And have a gorgeous day. Sending you so much love, as I always am, Ally Hamilton

Falling

When you’re in the midst of things that are falling apart, whether they be jobs or relationships or a way of being, this is a tough concept to embrace, but things fall apart so they can fall together in a different way. That doesn’t mean “everything is happening for a reason”, it just means that this is the nature of all living things–people, emotions, situations, and the leaves on the trees around us. Everything is always in flux. If a relationship ends and your heart is broken, of course you’re going to grieve and examine what happened, and depending upon circumstances, you may have a lot of healing to do. Those times when I’ve felt desperate, or paralyzed by fear, or heartbroken because I couldn’t see a path in front of me and realized I’d have to cut through the brush and create one, have also been the times when I’ve learned the most about myself and have grown in ways I never would have otherwise. That doesn’t mean you have to put everything in a box marked “thank you”, it just means we always have the choice to create beauty out of our pain.

Sometimes the thing that’s “falling apart” is you. In yoga philosophy and practice, you might come upon the concept of “The Dark Night of the Soul”, which is not a yogic concept, but rather a poem (and later a treatise about the poem) written by the Roman Catholic mystic Saint John of the Cross. In the poem, he narrates the journey of the soul from its bodily home to its union with God. In the yogic context, we have something called “isvara pranidhana”, which has a few different translations: devotion to the divine, devotion to the Ultimate Reality, devotion to your True Self.

It’s basically that time that comes when the old way of being in the world isn’t working anymore, and the new way of being isn’t clear yet. The old way may include relationships, jobs, coping mechanisms, the way you see yourself…anything that feels inauthentic, that just doesn’t “fit right” anymore, that will now have to go. It’s an extremely uncomfortable, lonely, painful, and scary process…and it takes a lot longer than a night. For me I’d say it took about five years. Any spiritual path (and there are many), will hopefully lead you to your own truth, your own peace, your realization of the incredible and limitless well of love within you. But in order to get there, you’re probably going to have to sail away from the shores you know, and head out to sea for awhile, waiting for your internal compass to kick in.Knowingly plunging yourself into darkness doesn’t usually sound appealing to people unless they’ve tried everything else first.

I’d feel comfortable saying that if the path you’re on isn’t making you a more compassionate person, it’s probably not the right path. Because ultimately, we are all so much the same. All grappling with life’s big questions: What’s the meaning of it all? What am I doing here? What happens when I die? We all breathe the same air, all live off (and on) the same planet, all love our children, all have fears and doubts and hopes and dreams and places within ourselves that need healing. So whatever you believe, I hope it opens you so that when you meet people, you really see them. And so that you realize that although they may be smiling at you, last night they could have cried into their pillow until they finally fell asleep. Because maybe everything is falling apart for them right now. It’s not easy, this business of being human. Things do fall apart. We will never know for sure if our answers to those big questions are right. And one day we will die. For me personally, I feel I’ve grappled with those questions and come up with answers that feel right to me. But you may answer those same questions with completely different answers, and you know, you may be right. We’re all just doing our best here.The only thing I’ve come up with that I believe in my heart is universal, is that we are made of energy, and that energy is love. Anything else is taught and learned. When things fall apart, whether it’s your way of being that isn’t working anymore, or it’s a relationship or a job, and you just can’t envision how things will possibly work out, see if you can open your hands and your heart and your mind instead of clenching your fists. We cannot control circumstances. We cannot control what other people will think, or do, or say. We cannot manage anyone else’s journey. But we can manage our own path, and we can keep heading toward healing and love.

What I want most in this world is for my children to be happy. I want them to live in a peaceful world. I want you and your children to be happy. I truly believe we are all family. Your children are related to my children, even if you live on the other side of the world. The only way I know to a peaceful world, is one person at a time. One person at a time taking the journey inward and doing the work to heal. One person at a time being willing to let things fall apart if they need to so that something strong and beautiful can emerge. If your house is peaceful, if you model loving behavior for your children, if you teach them what it means to be compassionate by being compassionate, they will do as you do. And if you don’t, they will also do as you do. That’s how we change the world, I’m pretty sure of that. I believe almost everyone is capable of healing. I realize our culture encourages sleepwalking but I don’t underestimate the power of a growing number of people who are awake. Engaged. On fire. When things fall apart, the desire to go to sleep, to numb out is understandable. But I’d rather be awake and in pain than asleep. And I’d rather be awake for all the incredible joy, too. Aware of all the gifts. Open to all the love. I’d rather accept that everything is always changing, and that one day I’m going to die. I hope it’s a long long time from now. But however long I’ve got, I want to use every minute to spread love. I won’t succeed. I’m a human being. I’ll get angry, or discouraged or tired or cranky or depressed sometimes. But I’ll do my best. And I know you will, too. And I hope we all live long enough to see the impact of a bunch of loving people doing their best and coming together. Wouldn’t that be freaking awesome? Sending you so much love, and a very big hug if things are falling apart for you right now, Ally Hamilton

Share It.

It’s very common for people to feel alone. Like no one really sees them or understands or cares when push comes to shove. I think we’ve set up a crazy world where we close ourselves off from each other. The “village” is hard to find these days, and if you want to be part of a tribe, you’d better create your own (thus this blog ;-)). The reality is, we are never alone. We’re all in this thing together, and although we may have different stories, heartbreaks, losses, joys, hopes, fears, pain, anguish, struggles, memories, families, cultures…we are all made of the same stuff. We are a huge family living together not as peacefully as we could, on a floating rock. (If you want to get really serious, we ARE the rock, we are the ocean, the trees, the sun, there is no one of us without the other, separation is an illusion).

We’ve created a culture that celebrates survival of the fittest, but I believe most people are depressed by that, even if they don’t know it. Because if we’re against each other, if we must compete, then we set ourselves up for constant comparing and contrasting. How am I doing compared to that guy over there? How’d he get so far ahead of me? I must suck. But not as much as that poor bastard way behind me. It’s not a loving outlook. And it’s a recipe for alienation, for keeping our vulnerabilities to ourselves (better protect that jugular), so where is the trust? Where’s the possibility of saying, “I’m scared. I know I’m going to die one day and I’m not sure why I’m here!”. Or, “I know why I’m here, but I’m too afraid to act on it”. Or simply, “I could really use a shoulder right now, I’m confused. Nothing is working out like the picture in my head”. Without each other, it’s a cold and lonely existence.

Joy, peace and happiness come from the uncovering of your own particular gifts, and the fulfillment that results from giving those gifts away, freely, fully, with abandon. The beauty in life exists in the sharing, in the connection. That’s your purpose, my purpose, and the guy behind and in front of you. It’s not a competition. The person with the most stuff is not going to win. The person with the greatest ability to tap into that enormous well of love within them and spread it, fling it, far and wide…that’s a person who’s going to lead a very happy life. That’s a person who’s going back for the guy way behind them to lend a hand. To spread some joy. To shine a light and say, “This way, my friend!! Over here!’ Because it’s a gift, this life. We are in the dark in many ways, and have forgotten the light is inside. You dig through the tunnel until you find it, and then you shine it out with everything you’ve got. And until you can do that, you reach for the hand of someone who’s found theirs. We’re supposed to take care of each other. We’re family. And I may not have met you, but I love you and am thankful to be on this floating rock with you. Ally

Be Love.

We put so much emphasis on “doing’ in our culture, and very little on being. I believe this is one of the root causes of suffering. You might have a great job, or you might have a job you work at in order to get by, to keep a roof over your head, and some food in your refrigerator. Either way, how you’re being as you’re doing whatever you’re doing is really at the heart of whether you’re going to be happy or not.

You could be the CEO of some huge company, and never have to worry about paying your bills. But if you’re competitive with everyone, or you think everyone is out to get you, or that there’s only so much room at the top, if you “go for the jugular” because your outlook is “it’s a dog eat dog world”, then you’re probably pretty miserable (and I doubt you’re on this blog). If you’re working a job you wish you weren’t, but you’re having some compassion for yourself and everyone else, you’re probably happier than that CEO (and no, I’m not saying all CEO’s are unhappy or unkind, I’m just trying to illustrate a point. I know lots of people with high-profile jobs who are very actively giving back and trying to be of service).

We just have such an obsession with what people do and have, and not as much in who people ARE, or how they’re being in the world. Is it any wonder so many people feel alone? When you go to a party, what’s the second question people ask you after they know your name? I realize it’s a “safe” conversation starter, but so is, “So, where are you from?”, or, “What do you like to do on your ‘off’ time?” If you’re not worried about staying in the safety zone, you could try, “What’s the last thing that scared the sh&t out of you?”, or, “Have you ever jumped out of a plane, and would you, if the opportunity presented itself?”. Answers to any of those questions would tell you so much more about the person you’re speaking with than a rote response to queries about what they do.

Doing whatever you can to uplift other people is the surest route to happiness I know, so if you’re going to focus on doing, I’d focus on doing that. If you’re not sure that’s true, see how much love and light you can spread wherever you go today. Hold doors open, let people merge in traffic, smile at strangers, take the time to really listen, and I can pretty much guarantee you’ll have a great and meaningful day whether you’ve got the job of your dreams, or you’re working a job to make ends meet. It’s not what you do, it’s who you are, and how you’re being. Be love, because you ARE love. Put a bunch of days like that together, and I’m pretty sure you’ll have a meaningful life that brings you a lot of peace and joy. Sending you some love right now! Ally Hamilton

PSA

You will not be happy when you lose 10 pounds, or have a different job or a drive better car, when you meet the “right” person, or when “things calm down”. You will not be happy when your biceps or bank account or boobs are bigger, or when your waistline is smaller. You will not be happy if you take medication to grow the hair on your head, or when you wax hair off in other places. You are either happy inside, or you are not happy inside. Nothing outside will fix that for long. You surely can’t buy it.

We have a crazy system set up around us (consumerism and distraction), which simply reflects back the system that exists within us (there’s a void inside I need to fill!). If you don’t wrestle with life’s big questions, and by that I mean, “Is this all there is? What am I doing here? Who am I?”, then those unanswered questions own you, and you’ll have to keep dancing around distracting yourself from the discomfort of not having worked them out for the rest of your life, convinced that happiness lies in external stuff, and wondering why you can’t get there.

Peace comes from understanding and accepting that one day your body will give out and you will exhale for the last time. I hope it’s one day way way off in the future, and that you have the time between then and now to figure out what lights you up from the inside. Because that’s where you find happiness, or inner peace, or the ability to face reality as it is, which is not always as we’d like it to be. It happens inside you as you develop the ability to love yourself, to find your purpose, to uncover your particular gifts and give them away freely, fully, with total abandon. To show yourself some compassion and kindness, to do the work to heal. If you pin your happiness to certain events going or not going the way you’d like, you are nothing more than a victim of circumstance, and there’s just no power in that. We can never control circumstances, we can only work on the way we respond, the amount of power we give to those waves of life that are challenging. We can swim against the current which is exhausting, or we can embrace the zen proverb: Let go or be dragged. Sometimes we just have to realize what we know. Your happiness is good for you, and it’s good for everyone else, too. Sending you so much love, Ally Hamilton

Get Comfortable!

I think there are many people out there who feel alone and afraid and quietly desperate, worrying that they are really just unlovable at their core. That they’re not pretty enough or strong enough or smart or funny or tall or skinny or rich or sexy or charismatic, or whatever enough, to matter much to anyone. If that speaks to you, I want you to get a little closer to your screen. Because I really think you need to get clear on something: those are all lies.

When you were born, someone marveled at your 10 perfect little fingers, and 10 chubby little toes. Maybe it wasn’t your parents; sometimes, through no fault of our own, we are born to people who don’t know how to receive the gift of a miracle. But someone looked at your little digits, and thought they were amazing. You could look at them right now, just to make sure they’re still there, and also to remind yourself, you are still a miracle. The 37 trillion or so cells that compose you have never come together for anyone else in exactly the same way before, and they never will again. Of all the moments you could have shown up, you arrived when you did, on your birthday. Happy Birthday, by the way!!! I’m so glad you were born.

No one else has your smile, your laugh, or that twinkle in your eye. That’s yours. No one says things exactly the way you do, or has those little quirks you have. No one else has your exact memories, heartbreaks, joys and particular gifts. I’m sorry, but I just reject the idea that this is all a coincidence. You’re here for a reason. We’re all made of the same stuff, but we each have our own special way to shine our light. The trick is to unlock it, to bust the lid off of it and fully amaze yourself.

When you are comfortable with yourself, when you realize what you know, and acknowledge what you are, love will naturally spring up from deep within you. It’s been waiting to do that your entire adult life if it hasn’t happened already. You probably understood you were made of love when you were little, unless you had that idea stamped out of you. You probably went around shining and loving and giving it away freely, with abandon. You need to do that again. You know how, it’s literally like riding a bike. The feeling of loving yourself is like coming home. And when you do that for yourself, it feels so good you want to do it for everyone you meet. You want to extend yourself–your hand, your ear, your heart, your shoulder, anything you’ve got. When people feel love coming from you, they want to get closer. And closer is nice. Let the love in. Sending some to you right now, Ally Hamilton

What Are You Doing?

There’s no doubt that a train of thought will affect the way you feel. If you’re in a negative frame of mind, that’s going to create a set of circumstances within you. Some thoughts will affect your physical body–the way you’re holding yourself, the way you’re breathing, the degree to which your muscles are “holding on”, your jaw is clenching, or your brows are furrowing. Some thoughts will affect your ability to sleep or eat well, and some will have an effect on your emotional body, and lead to feelings of listlessness and hopelessness. But nothing is going to have a greater effect upon you than your own actions. At the end of the day, you have to be able to look at yourself in the mirror while you’re brushing your teeth. You have to be able to live with yourself. And that’s not going to be easy if you’re acting in ways that are hurtful to you, or to other people.

Having said that, we are all going to hurt other people at some time or another. Sometimes two people grow in different directions, and there’s just no stopping the reality that someone is going to be crushed. Sometimes we’re young and we don’t know what we’re doing. Sometimes we’re selfish and immature, and don’t understand the ramifications of what we’re doing. I’m not talking about that, though. I’m talking about those actions we take even when we realize somewhere deep and real, we shouldn’t. Feelings can be powerful, but they’re just feelings. They come and go, like everything else. You don’t have to act on every feeling that comes over you. Sometimes pain is just brutal, relentless, exhausting, and it’s natural to want a break from it, an escape. But if you’re in pain, the pain is there to teach you something. I know that isn’t a pleasant reality, but it’s the truth. Again, I’m talking about the kind of pain we create for ourselves, not the kind life brings (although frequently we create pain for ourselves because we haven’t healed a wound from the kind of pain that life can bring). Avoiding it or trying to escape it will not make it go away. You can try drugs, or alcohol, or sex, or shopping, or eating or not eating. All you’re doing is prolonging the inevitable. There’s no permanent escape that’s appealing, there’s no lifelong distraction that is going to bring you peace. At a certain point you’re going to have to walk right into the center of your pain and sit your a$$ down. Your pain is your path to freedom. Avoiding it is a jail sentence you’re imposing upon yourself, with the key in your pocket and your mind full of can’t.

I don’t say this without compassion, because I certainly avoided dealing with my own stuff for many years, but it’s really self-indulgent to desist from dealing with your issues. It’s an act of ingratitude. We don’t think of it that way when we’re in the grip of fear, thinking our pain will destroy us; we think of it as survival. But that’s flawed thinking. That’s your real, actual work here–healing yourself, filling yourself with love and compassion and kindness and inspiration, so you can spread those things freely. I realize fear is a big factor. People often feel overwhelmed and defeated by their past, their past behavior, and the idea that they might be able to do anything about it. Not doing anything about it is the thing to fear. A lifetime of emptiness and loneliness and quiet desperation, or not so quiet rage is the thing to fear. A life where you want to numb yourself or distract yourself constantly is something to fear for sure. A life where no one can get close to you because then the real work has to start and you’ve chosen to bow out of that, is something that ought to make you feel a little sick to your stomach. When you refuse to plunge in, your soul gets sick. Soulsickness. Like seasickness, but it’s your heart that’s getting thrown against the rocks.

Your pain won’t defeat you. Not dealing with it will, though. The ability to sit with your feelings without reacting to them is a tool you need to develop if you want to know yourself. If you want to be close to other people. I’m talking about real intimacy, total nakedness with someone else. Trust. The ability to have an uncomfortable, deeply painful conversation with someone about how you feel before you act on your feelings, even if the conversation terrifies you.

“Developing the witness” is something we talk about in yoga and meditation. The idea that you can have your feelings without identifying with them so much. Finding the strength to pause and consider and explore a set of actions before you do anything. That’s freedom. That’s also where character develops and strengthens. In order to change your behavior, sometimes you need to change your thinking. Creating space between yourself and your thoughts, recognizing that you are not your thoughts, is step one.

It’s going to be very hard to love yourself if you aren’t living up to your potential. Because somewhere inside, you’ll know you’re not. You’ll know you’re sleepwalking. And treating yourself and other people carelessly. And you’ll also realize time is passing. You could be shining, that’s the essential thing. You could be so full of love and consciousness and kindness and yes, that it would spill out all over the place wherever you went. Please don’t deny yourself that kind of shining. You could love your life if you don’t, already. You could love yourself and everyone you encounter. You could say, “Okay, Life, let’s dance”. I really hope you do. Sending you love, as always. Ally Hamilton

Dig the Well Before You’re Thirsty

You need a center, a way of being in this world, so that you are not going up and down with the ups and downs of life, there’s just no power in that. Of course, sometimes life brings situations that are so shockingly brutal, you’ll need time to recover, to grieve, to process. But short of those times when we’re blindsided, betrayed, or brought to our knees, we really don’t want to be stuck in a powerless cycle of suffering.

At a certain point, you have to unpack your bags if you feel you may be carting some old, heavy stuff around. The “how” is the thing for you to discover. Your “liberation pathway” is a personal process; there is no singular path to healing. For me, discovering and practicing yoga changed my life and my way of being in this world, which is why I teach. I believe if these tools worked for me, they have the potential to work for anyone. So I want to share, it lights me up to share. You can practice with me here, anytime: http://www.yogisanonymous.com I always try to emphasize the “how of healing” when I teach. There’s no better feeling in this world that I know of, than the feeling of lifting someone else up. Of lending a hand, an ear, a shoulder, whatever you’ve got. Yoga was no “magic bullet”, and I don’t believe there is one when it comes to healing yourself. So far I’ve been practicing over 20 years, 6 days a week. I’m not done yet, and I don’t believe we are ever done. We are always in process. But knowing yourself and healing yourself are essential pursuits if you want to be happy, at peace, comfortable in your own skin. If you want to be aware of what it is that gives you a sense of purpose and fills your whole being with YES, so you can spread that yes wherever you go. I feel all of those things now, but I certainly didn’t when I started this journey. It’s painful, lonely, uncomfortable work sometimes, but it is totally doable and also necessary if you want to realize what you know. And it does get easier.

For me, personally, I’d been in therapy on and off for quite awhile when I started practicing yoga. I have always found human behavior fascinating and intriguing. And like most humans, I’ve always wanted to be happy. In my experience, working with a great therapist can be very enlightening as far as identifying your “stuff”, or going through your baggage. (It might not be for you. Again, I’m just sharing my own “how to unpack story” in the hope that it may be helpful). A good therapist can help you put everything on the floor and sort it out, so you can start to figure out why you do the things you do. And how old stuff might be at play in your present. Part of being at peace is knowing yourself, understanding what makes you tick. It’s like having a trustworthy person hold up a mirror and kindly say, “Can you see what you’re doing? And is this serving your higher good?” So, I’d say I had that information about myself when I took my first yoga class. If we’d met and you’d been interested, I could have told you about why I was the way I was, but I couldn’t have done much about it. And I was not a very happy person. I was actually pretty serious and somewhat depressed. Numbed out. I was attached to my stories, justifications and rationalizations. I had my rage and my finger-pointing. I was a young adult, after all. And I liked my story, it was comfortable. Kind of like an old sweatshirt you just won’t throw away.

When I started practicing yoga, I began to realize that the quality of my internal dialogue was harsh and critical. Unforgiving. Judgmental. Your inner voice is your constant companion, like your roommate, except you cannot evict that voice. I was a Type-A perfectionist, and I realized I had zero idea how to give myself a break. If I made a mistake, said something or did something I wished I hadn’t, I’d beat myself up for days, relentlessly going over the event in my mind and redoing it, rewriting it, obsessing over it. I’d agonize and berate myself until I felt sick. Exhausted. Alone. In Vipassana meditation, that’s known as “boiling yourself.”

And I also had no real sense of what made me happy. What I was doing here. So I started to work on that on my yoga mat. My practice became a place where I did my best to feed a loving voice. If I fell out of a pose, or felt sluggish, and that harsh inner critic started piping up, I’d say, “No. Not here. Go away.” And I’d give myself a break, and try to replace the harsh thoughts with some kind and compassionate ones. I focused my mind again and again on my breath. And little by little my mind quieted and I started to understand what a loving inner environment felt like. Sadly, it’s not natural to most of us. We are inundated all day long with messages about how we are “wrong” in almost every way. How we don’t look right or smell right or feel right, or dress the right way, or live in the right house, or drive the right car, or sleep next to the right person. It’s kind of insane.

As I started to strengthen that loving, kind voice, I found it followed me into other areas of my life. I realized I’d had blinders on, for a long time. I’d been so fixated on my life, on what wasn’t working or hadn’t happened yet. On why I wasn’t happy. It was a me-focused life, and in retrospect, that’s kind of sad. Because if you really want to be happy, you need to turn your attention to spreading some love and some light wherever you go, whenever you can. And once you tap into that enormous, limitless well of love within you, you will naturally want to share it. To plunge your hands into it and fling it all over the place with abandon, with joy.

I’ve always been an avid reader (“Happiness Is An Inside Job” by Sylvia Boorstein, “Yoga and the Quest for the True Self” by Stephen Cope, “Comfortable with Uncertainty” by Pema Chodron, “Still Writing” by Dani Shapiro, and anything by Mary Oliver or David Whyte are titles I’d recommend), and I’ve always loved to write, so those are also tools of healing that I’ve used along my way. And I began a seated meditation practice about 12 years ago, Http://www.dhamma.org/ if you want to check it out. I hope at least some of this is helpful to you. It’s a bit of a departure from my usual posts, and pretty personal, but I want you to know I care, and I’ll share whatever I’ve got that might be helpful. It’s frustrating to read about these life-changing ideas without some tools to help get you there if you aren’t there already. Sending you so much love, and a big hug, Ally Hamilton

Unpack Those Bags!

I don’t believe there’s any way of moving through this life without some pain, heartache, disappointment, loss, confusion, fear, and loneliness. I’ve never had the experience of getting to know anyone closely without discovering a deep well of pain within them. We all have our stories, our losses, and those places where we mourn for ourselves.The difference between happy people and unhappy people lies in their resiliency, the amount of support they find for themselves, their ability to integrate and make peace with what’s happened, and the way they respond to what they’re given. Sometimes you try to find support for yourself, and nothing seems to work. Depression is real, it’s not a choice, it’s a fight for your life. So is addiction. And sometimes people lose the battle.

There are also situations where it is a choice. You can carry your pain on your back and into every experience you have. You can keep your pain alive by feeding it and compounding it with the confusion that results from choices fueled by old wounds. The longer you allow yourself to deny, avoid, feed, or numb out from your pain, the longer your heart will wither and your soul will be crushed. Your heart is made for love. Your soul wants to dance, to expand well beyond the borders of your body. But if you’re dousing yourself with bitterness, resentment, fear, shame, guilt, doubt, insecurity and some crazy notion that you aren’t lovable, there’s just no way you’re going to be able to shine. To throw off the blinders. To realize what you know, to acknowledge what you are.

At a certain point, you’re going to have to sit down and unpack those bags if you want to find some inner peace. If you want to unhook your journey from past experiences and find the freedom and the expansion that comes from forgiveness, compassion and taking responsibility for your own happiness. You’re going to have to examine everything you’ve been carting around and find that raw place inside you that is connected to that baggage and give it your kind attention. You’re going to have to wrap your arms around your own pain and say, “I know you. I feel you. I’m right here.” And you’re going to have to let it out. To grieve until the heat of the wound is washed away by your tears. That’s the only way to stop the bleeding and start the healing. You have to honor and acknowledge that pain before you can let it go. Or it can let you go.

People who are hurting will hurt others. That’s how it works. Please get that because it’s important to grasp. If someone hurts you, betrays you, treats you with disrespect or cruelty, it’s because that is what is inside them. That’s where they are on their journey; that’s how they’re dealing with their own pain. I’m not saying that’s okay, I’m just saying you don’t have to take it on. You don’t have to accept and own it as something you caused or deserve. You don’t have to receive it as a response to you, a rejection of you. It has little to do with you, except inasmuch as you choose to participate. And if you’re in pain, you’re going to spread it. You probably won’t mean to do that, but it will happen. I have all the love and time and patience in the world for people who are struggling, who are trying in earnest to face their stuff and deal with it, because it’s difficult, painful, lonely work. I’ve been there, I know. And it’s so uncomfortable. But people who are sleepwalking through life, who refuse to own their actions, who want to point fingers or explain or justify bad behavior, who want a pass on the hard work (and we’ve all been these people at one time or another, yours truly included)…I want to get up in their mix and say, “WAKE THE EFF UP!!!” With love, of course.

Because life is going to be pretty miserable lugging heavy bags of pain around everywhere. And being too afraid or too lazy to get to work is a shabby reason to have a sad life where you end up hurting yourself and other people the whole time. What an act of total unconsciousness and ingratitude. To exist in a world where you could be living. Giving. Growing. Loving. Life is going to bring all kinds of stuff our way. Some of it is going to crush us. Some of us will go through things the mind and heart will struggle to understand and accept. And some of it is going to be amazing, heart-expanding, mind-blowingly awesome. Respond with courage. Be vulnerable. Receive it all, the storms that knock everything down, and the gorgeous sun on your face. Say, “Yes, I am Here. I am awake”. That’s all you can do. If you do the work to find your inner yes, you will be at peace even when life keeps sending you no’s. Because no one can take that kind of love away from you once you’ve found it. Please put your bags down. Don’t waste another day, another minute. Your heart, your soul, and your very life are too precious for that. Sending you so much love, Ally Hamilton

Grab Your Weed Whacker!

There’s a powerful quote from the Upanishads, “Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; for it becomes your destiny.” Whatever you feed will grow and strengthen. This is why the quality of your life will largely depend upon the quality of your internal dialogue. I say that, recognizing life will bring all kinds of circumstances, some people will have a very painful path to walk, and ultimately, all of us will have to grapple with life’s big questions (Who am I? What am I doing here? Is this all there is?), on our own. No matter your path, you simply can’t evict that voice, that voice is your constant companion. Every thought you have creates a chemical reaction in your body. That’s your soil, and it’s either going to be full of lies and poison, or it’s going to be full of love.

In a garden, weeds steal water, nutrients, and space from your plants. Some give off natural herbicides killing off other plants in close proximity. Left unchecked, weeds will overgrow your garden, and “choke out” anything in their path. Here are a list of weeds to watch out for: Fear, envy, laziness, unexpressed rage or grief, shame, guilt, bitterness, pettiness, prejudice, insecurity and doubt. If you feed those weeds, you can bet they’re going to choke out any potential for the light to reach your plants. Or plans. I’m not saying it’s realistic to expect you’ll never grow a weed, I’m just saying be vigilant about grabbing your weed whacker as fast as you can. The best one I know is gratitude.A list of plants you really want to grow in your garden: Self-knowledge, love, truth, acceptance, inspiration, trust, joy, integrity, dedication, perseverance, forgiveness, loyalty and thankfulness. If you feed these plants, you will be amazed by the incredible garden that springs up within you and around you. Growing a garden of love takes time and patience, and pretty constant tending. It’s not going to happen overnight. In fact, depending on your path, you may have to spend years uprooting certain weeds. Too much water in your garden, and your thoughts become diluted, your seeds won’t take root. “Too much water” in this instance might include too much seeking out of other people’s opinions. No one can advise you about the growth of your own particular garden, because no one but you has ever worked with your exact fertilizer, weather conditions, schedules of pollination, and so on. No one else has weathered the exact storms you have, or felt the gentle breezes of your experience. So no one else can tell you how best to grow your garden. That’s your work to figure out.

If you avoid digging your hands in your own dirt because the thought of it makes you too tired or too scared, then get a picture in your mind of a garden that’s been overgrown by weeds. It looks constricted, right? Full of thorns and brittleness. It’s wild, and there can be a lot of beauty in that, but it’s not an easy place to grow anything. If that’s the garden of your mind, that’s where you live. In a creaky old rocking chair that you barely have the energy or desire to rock. Because life is exhausting when you don’t root down into your dirt so you can rise up out of it, when you let the weeds take over everything. Rooting down just means that you’re willing to sit in the center of your pain and let it open you. Growing a garden of love means you are going to examine your thorns and bleed a little. You’ll be amazed, but the flowers that spring up from those drops of blood will be the most gorgeous ones of all. Those are your Freedom Flowers. You won’t get those unless you understand your terrain, and traverse it well and deeply–let the rainy days nourish you, learn how to bend when the storms come so you don’t break, trust that the sun is going to shine again. And when it does, know that it will open you further, feed you, and encourage you to blossom, to extend yourself, to reach for the light.

You are not here to feed rage or fear or doubt. You’re here to release those feelings back into the earth. To let your tears wash them away. To pick your mind up again and again, and redirect it to all the beauty within you and around you. All the love. All the peace and happiness and satisfaction that happens when your garden is full of I Know What I Am Flowers. And I Know Why I’m Here Plants. That’s a garden you’ll want to hang out in, because it will never stop amazing you. Your colors will be so vibrant, so deep, other people will want to come and sit in your garden with you, and just take it in. Maybe take a seed or two of yours home with them. And you won’t mind because you’ll know you have so many. More than you need, more than you can ever use. And you’ll want to help other people grow their gardens. And if you’re a smart garden, you’ll ask for some of their seeds, too. So you can grow those incredible Compassion Flowers, Empathy Plants, and Connection Trees. And you’ll think, even with all of life’s storms, this is a beautiful, rich, mysterious experience. I wonder what will happen next? And you’ll just sway in the breeze, open, content, aware and full of gratitude. I’d love to come sit in your garden right now, whether you need help weeding, or you have your My Heart is Open flowers on display. Sending you some love seeds if you need them, Ally Hamilton

Please Do Not Feed the Fears!

Unless we’re talking about the good kind of fear that stops you from being reckless with yourself, or makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up because you’re in danger, fear is nothing more than a bully. I’m talking about the kind of fear that stops you from doing what you know in your heart you must. The kind of fear that tells you you’re not good enough, you don’t have what it takes, you can’t do it. That kind of fear can kiss my a$$, and it should kiss yours, too.

Fear puts the mind and the heart in a grip. It shuts down our vision so we can only see what isn’t going well, what could go wrong, all the reasons why we are stuck. Fear travels with doubt and resentment and envy, with a healthy side of criticism. Fear is not kind, and neither are people living in fear, because fear puts you on the defensive. Sometimes when we don’t get what we hope for, we become afraid. “I had a vision of how this thing was supposed to go, how I wanted it to go, and now what do I do?” And the mind starts racing with how awful everything is, how nothing is going right, how things are easier for other people (because fear feeds that comparing and contrasting mind). If you want to shut yourself down and close yourself up and do life in such a way that you’re always wearing blinders and feeding yourself can’t, then fear is the way to go. But, seriously, who wants to live like that? Shut down and numbed out and hopeless and frustrated? Alone and angry and confused, waiting for that magical time when “things will get better”?

Things are not going to get better unless you open to love. And you cannot do that if you are wrapped in a tight little ball with your fists clenched and your eyes scrunched up, and your head full of shouldn’t. Or stories about why you can’t. Why you’re incapable of change. Or so numb you really can’t feel anything. So addicted to distraction the weeks fly by, then the months, then the years, and oh crap, now it’s too late. Anyone who is not suffering from afflictions beyond their control can heal. I’m going to say that again. Everyone. Can. Heal. Love requires courage, participation, and ownership of your own experience.

Love is not for those who won’t be vulnerable, because when you open your heart, there is always the possibility you’re going to get hurt. But you know what? I’d rather have my heart broken fully, deeply, right through the center then live my life asleep and curled up in a ball in a corner wondering what, exactly, I’m doing here. I’d rather be awake with my heart open wide and my head full of Yes, than numbing myself out to avoid my pain. The pain is the path to healing. The pain is where you head. You walk straight into the center of it, and you do not come out until you have faced that sh&t down. Or it owns you. Those are your choices, there is no third, “Can it be a little easier because I don’t want to work that hard?” option.

I refuse to allow any person or any circumstance to rob me of my purpose here, and I hope you do, too. Because anything else is a pure waste of your time, and you aren’t given enough to waste. This is your beautiful, complicated, confusing, joyous, sometimes deeply lonely, other times amazingly incredible life, where sometimes you have your heart broken, and sometimes you feel it expand so much you think, it’s going to come right out of your chest. “This love is so much, so full, so deep it’s going to carry me up above the trees, and over the ocean, and oh, wait, it IS the ocean.” Why, why, why would you deny yourself love like that? Because of some fear? Totally not acceptable. I hope you got a taste of the love I’m sending your way. It has a side of a$$-kick, I know. But sometimes that’s the kind of love we need. If you just need a hug right now, I’m down for that, too.

Ally Hamilton

Love Doesn’t Pick and Choose

We are all made of the same stuff, but there is only one you. Like your fingerprint, there has never been, and will never be another you, just as you are. I do not think that’s an accident. I think every single person is a miracle, with his or her own particular gifts to share. And I think it’s amazing that we can all be so similar, filled with hopes, dreams, heartache, loneliness, fear, joy, laughter, ideas, memories, first loves…and yet we are each so extraordinarily unique.

Life brings all kinds of experiences that can shape us, and define us if we let them. Depending on so many different circumstances, a person’s gifts can get buried under rage, shame, doubt, fear, grief, guilt, and feelings of being unworthy or unlovable. In a state like that, people are capable of indifference, cruelty, self-absorption and a lack of remorse. That’s a world of darkness and pain. And a hurting person is likely to hurt others.

But that’s not our natural state. We come into this world full of love, curiosity, trust, vulnerability, and a need to feel secure, connected, and cared for. Without love, without touch, human babies do not thrive, and most don’t survive. We need each other. We are hard-wired to care for one another. To open our arms. To lend a hand, an ear, a shoulder. There is no one of us more important than any other. More deserving of care, consideration, kindness. If one of us suffers, goes hungry, feels threatened, has nowhere to sleep, then we all suffer.

I know it can feel overwhelming. The problems we face in this world are crushing if you think about them all at once. So don’t do that. Just do what you can, wherever you are, with whatever you’ve got to give. A smile at the right time has the potential to change someone’s life. A kind word. A touch on the arm. A demonstration of compassion. Treat everyone you encounter as the miracle they are. Lend a hand where you can. Let someone merge on the freeway if nothing else. Find ways to spread some light and some love wherever you go. One person can make such a huge difference. A bunch of “one persons” can start to change the world, you know? That’s how we get it done, and it’s natural to us. Live with your heart wide open. Be vulnerable, be fearless. Because you need to be both of those things to spread love.

And if you’re in darkness, let me just say there is light inside you. You might have to dig for it, but it’s there. Don’t shy away from knowing yourself. That’s the only formula I know that is sure to keep you in darkness. And you’re beautiful. You truly are. There’s nothing you need to fear, and nothing about yourself you cannot face. Is it hard? Yes. It requires determination and a willingness to be deeply uncomfortable. You may need to confront and stop feeding certain aspects of yourself that are blocking your potential to grow and to shine. But you can do that, you’re up to it. It’s the not doing it that’s exhausting. I guess what I’m trying to say is please do the work of healing yourself. Because once you do that, you’ll feel so amazing you’ll want to do anything you can to help other people heal. And that’s how we change the story. It’s time for a new story, don’t you think? Sending you so much love, Ally

Get Ready to Rumble

Life is going to bring all kinds of experiences our way. Some of them are going to be so mind-bendingly awesome you will actually feel your heart expand. And some are going to be so painful, you will have to think about how to breathe.

There’s no controlling circumstances. There’s no stopping time. The world won’t stop spinning for you. Everything around you and within you is in a constant state of change. And one day your body will give out and you will exhale for the last time. Until then, I highly recommend you live all the way. Live with your heart out in front and your arms open wide. Feel everything. Feel heartbroken when you need to. Feel joy. Feel scared or confused or angry. Feel whatever you feel in each moment, don’t miss any of it, and certainly don’t push it down. It’s all experience. It’s all growth. It’s all part of your journey. And it is a very mixed bag.

Some times in life are so beautiful. These are usually birth cycles, productive times when you feel in the flow and connected and awake and aware and full of purpose. And other times are so painful it’s hard to know how to move through the day. Death cycles are like that. They’re times of letting go, of moving within and honoring and appreciating your experiences but accepting they’ve come to an end. Sometimes a death cycle happens around an old way of being that just isn’t working for you. Everyone craves the birth cycles and hopes to avoid the death cycles but life is going to bring both, sometimes all at once. You might experience incredible growth in one area of your life, while also having to acknowledge a lack of growth in another. Energetically, anything that isn’t growing is dying.

And anything that is growing is also dying. Everything in life is cyclical. So grow all the way. Expand to your fullest potential. Embrace everything. Be awake and blossom to such a degree you stun yourself. That’s what you’re here to do. The pain is there to deepen you, to open you, to soften you. Some loss is so large, you might have a well of sorrow and compassion within you for the rest of your life. So share that, give that away freely. People need that. They need to know they’re not alone. They need to see other people who’ve lost and managed, somehow, to keep going. Use whatever you’ve got to fill your life with purpose. Don’t let a single day pass when you haven’t done at least one thing to help someone else. I don’t care if you smile at a stranger, or help your kid tie her shoes, or let someone merge on the freeway. This is one thing I know beyond any doubt. We are here to help each other. The more you do that, the less you will be burdened with questions like, “What’s the point of it all?”. Because the point will be obvious. This life is gonna bring it all at you. Give whatever you’ve got so you enjoy the ride before it’s over. Wishing you all the inhales and exhales you need to live your happiest life. And sending you love, Ally.

Are You In Love, or Are You in Fear?

Knowing yourself well is your work. Wrapping your mind around life’s big questions and discovering what is true for you, what feels right for you, is not work you can skip or avoid if you want to be at peace. It’s the key to your freedom. Because if you truly know yourself, you’ll understand what lights you up. You’ll discover your purpose. You’ll know what you believe. You’ll be accountable for the energy you’re spreading wherever you go. You’ll be making choices that are in alignment with your inner knowing, with your highest self, with your biggest Yes.

When you’re on the path of seeking, you’re in love. You’re curious and growing and open and trusting, even when things get dark and lonely and cold. You’re in acceptance. You can be in love and in pain at the same time.

Being in fear is the other option. When we’re in fear we think we aren’t enough. We don’t have enough. Other people are stealing our spot. Fear travels with envy and resentment and anger. Fear uses words like “can’t” and “shouldn’t”. Fear sees an obstacle and thinks of all the things that could go wrong, all the reasons why not.

Love looks at a situation and says, “How can I help?”. It sees an obstacle and realizes it’s a chance for growth. Love embraces and celebrates everyone. It uses words like, “Inspire” and “trust”.

Fear manipulates and shames and crushes. Love accepts and honors and lifts us up. Love and fear travel on two separate tracks, moving in two opposite directions, passing through much different scenery. The questions you ask in this life will depend upon the track you choose. The answers to your questions, regardless of the track, will shape and define your life. If you’re on the fear track, you really need to get off at the next station. And figure out how to walk your way back to the station where you began your journey. You might have to walk in the dark, alone and cold. You might have to walk through pain and tears. But you need to do whatever it takes to get on that love train. You really don’t want to end up where the fear train will take you.

Love and respect yourself enough to realize what you know. The answers are always inside. You may need to dig deep to find them, but they are there. Feed a loving voice and it will strengthen and grow and lead you right to the doorstep of your best life. Your happiest you. Your biggest most open heart. Your ability to shine the way you’re meant to. Fear will send you in circles of pain and darkness with a side of rage and loneliness. The choice is so totally obvious. I’m sending you a huge hit of love, and a gentle push if you need one.
Ally

The Art of a Good Fall

Halloween did not go the way I had hoped. My almost 6-year-old fell off the jungle gym at school and broke his elbow. We spent most of the afternoon and evening at the ER, and a few hours yesterday with the orthopedist. He now has a red, waterproof cast that will come off in 3-5 weeks.

Over the last couple of days I’ve been watching him process the ramifications of this fall. No karate, gymnastics, yoga, soccer, baseball, P.E., running or jumping for a month. The fact that he’ll have a cast on during his birthday party. The rescheduling of a field trip his entire 1st grade class was taking to our yoga studio for class with yours truly next week. All because he lost his balance and fell. He’s been handling it really well. A strong reaction when he realized he couldn’t scratch his arm when it itched, and another one today when he understood his arm would have to stay bent inside the cast. Sadness over the fact that he can’t write or draw with his right hand, and that recess is going to be tough for awhile. Earlier this afternoon I saw his brow furrow and his lip quiver as he realized he wasn’t going to be able to rough house with his uncle in a couple of weeks. The only way I can help him with any of it is to validate what he’s feeling. To let him know I understand, and that I’m sad about it, too. That’s when I see his face soften.

I share all of this with you not because I’m confused. I’ll take a reason like this to be at the hospital with my kids any day of the week. There are parents inside that hospital who would’ve traded places with me in a heartbeat. I could weep thinking about that. This is a nothing, it’s a blip, his elbow will heal like nothing ever happened, and he’ll have a memory of the birthday with that cool red cast.

I share this with you because life is like this sometimes. You’re going along doing your thing, climbing on that metaphorical jungle gym, and suddenly you have a set of unwanted circumstances dropped in your lap. Your life gets turned on its ear for a moment. You think, wow, what did I do to deserve this? Sometimes you have done something. Maybe you’ve made choices without thinking about how they might affect other people. That’s what I would call a self-inflicted sh&t storm, and I’d take it as a marker for a place that could use your attention and care. A little uncomfortable but necessary self-examination. And sometimes you haven’t done anything at all.

Life brings all kinds of situations. Some of them we long for, and others we hope to avoid. There’s no controlling any of that. The only thing to work on is our response. How am I going to show up in the midst of this storm that just blew in? How can I be present and keep my heart open even though a whole bunch of stuff has just gone down that feels awful? That leaves me feeling raw and vulnerable and disappointed and deeply sad?

Be sad. Or be angry, or confused, or scared, or whatever else you need to feel, to acknowledge the reality of your current situation. That’s how you keep your heart open in the middle of a storm, whether you brought it on yourself, or it landed on you out of nowhere. And remember that the storm will pass. They always do. The sun will burst through and you’ll be running and jumping and down-dogging your way through life again. Give yourself the respect and time and space to process your feelings. Somewhere inside yourself remember every good thing that has been gifted to you as well. So that you both allow your pain but remember your blessings. That way the pain will be fleeting because you won’t be pushing it down and making it struggle for your attention.

May we all remember the sunny days on the playground, the hard falls in life, the ebb and flow of everything, including ourselves, and the love that makes it all so beautiful. Ally

Root Down and Rise Up

In almost every pose we do in yoga we are “rooting down” and “rising up”. Whatever is touching the floor is rooting down and how we balance ourselves on top of that foundation and breathe is really when the yoga happens. We don’t always stand on our feet. Sometimes we stand on our forearms or our hands or our sit bones. We keep looking at things from different perspectives, balancing ourselves, breathing in and breathing out.

The same can be said for life. If you want to rise up, you are going to have to root down and get real with yourself. A structure is only as strong as its foundation. If your foundation is built with denial or rage or bitterness or laziness, it’s only a matter of time before the whole thing collapses in on itself.

In order to blossom into the you that has been waiting, your authentic self, you have to be willing to unravel, to unlearn, to un-think, and to unhook your journey from past experiences so you can be free to set a new course. There is an element of destruction. You do away with those things that block you from moving forward, and prevent you from letting go.

Sometimes people stand in the wind, contemplating a new way of being. We like our routines in life. We prefer to keep the seed of our being hidden, even from ourselves. But if you want to be at peace, you had better be willing to unlearn everything, and crack your seed open. Crush to the wind those ideas and ways of being that were never yours in the first place. That’s where the growth happens.

You have the seed of beauty within you. The seed of love and compassion and kindness. The seed of your own truth. Plant something that is yours alone, and rise up toward the sun, beyond the sun, add your spark to the limitless universe, why don’t you? Sending you love, a shovel, and the strength to deal with your fertilizer for awhile. You’re going to grow a gorgeous flower if you can hang in there and breathe.

Ally Hamilton

Carl Jung has a beautiful quote, “There is no coming to consciousness without pain. People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own soul. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”

If you want to be at peace you are going to have to do the work of healing yourself. If you choose not to do that, and it is a choice, then you will live a life of confusion, pain and darkness. And there’s just no good reason for that. Life can be so achingly beautiful, even when it’s painful. Rejecting your own soul is the loneliest thing you could do.

I don’t know why it feels so overwhelming to us. I don’t know why we run from it for as long as we do. It’s like anything else that’s unknown to us, I suppose. We let fear of the unknown take over and decide we’d better stay where we are, even if it’s totally screwed up. Because at least it’s familiar. But really, we ought to be running for that rabbit hole. Diving in head first, with our mind quiet and our heart open, and one idea: let me know myself. Let me sit in front of the mirror of my soul and download the information that I already know. That I’ve somehow forgotten, or covered over, or run from. Because any answers you need about how to live the life that is going to bring you fulfillment, joy and peace, are within you. They are down that rabbit hole.

Some people get stuck playing chess with the Queen for years. They look long enough to identify their stuff, but that’s as far as they want to go. So they can tell you why they are the way they are, but they don’t make the moves necessary to do anything about it. Healing requires action. Identifying your pain is a start, but it’s definitely not the place to quit. Because justifying an unhappy present as the result of a disappointing past is just not going to get you anywhere.

We humans love to be the victims or the heroes or the martyrs. We love our stories and our rationalizations and our coping mechanisms. But if that’s where things are at for you, I’ll bet you’re downright miserable. Those are not the moves that bring you peace and understanding. You have to be willing to get real with yourself. In a compassionate way, you have to look honestly at your stuff, and deal with anything that isn’t serving you. Commit to feeding thoughts, words and actions that are going to lead to joy, love and growth. And start starving everything else. Give up the coping mechanisms that keep you numb. Put the crutches down, or better yet, use them to start digging. Because time isn’t waiting for you. Life is happening. Today is Halloween. Soon it will be Thanksgiving, and just like that we’ll be saying Happy New Year!

If you’ve already climbed out of the rabbit hole, isn’t the view stunning?!?! And if you haven’t, how long are you gonna wait? How much time are you going to spend at the Mad Hatter’s crazy table? How long are you going to play the part of a pawn? You can heal yourself with some bold and decisive moves. Don’t let laziness and fear be the reason you don’t live a life you would love. That would be so sad. And in case you want to know what time it is, it is NOW. Are you a late rabbit? Get hopping!!! Happy Halloween! Why don’t you show up as yourself?! Sending you love, Ally.

I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Think I Can

Do you remember the story about The Little Engine That Could? Because in retrospect I think it’s kind of brilliant. You will be alone with your thoughts for most of your life. The quality of your internal dialogue will be the greatest influence on the experience you have as you move through your days. You know the Henry Ford quote? “Whether you think you can, or whether you think you can’t, you’re right”. And I mention that with the full understanding that the playing field is not level, that some people will come into this world with advantages, and some people will have to fight for every single break they get. Nonetheless, a person’s way of thinking has a huge impact upon the way life will feel, regardless of advantages and obstacles.

If you are full of fear and doubt and negativity and judgment, you are probably not going to experience a lot of joy. Because you’re going to walk through the world in a defensive manner, in a hopeless manner, in an angry and resentful way. If you fill your caboose with stories about every way you’ve been hurt and disappointed, you’re just not gonna make it up that hill.

We are energetic beings. Wherever we go, we spread energy, and we take it in, as well. If you’re feeling down and dark and depressed, it will affect the way you carry yourself, and the energy you’re spreading as you go about your day. If you are in a frame of mind that says, “Everyone is out to get me”, or, “I never get any breaks”, or “People suck”, believe me, it will be something people can feel. They may not know exactly what they’re feeling, but chances are, they’re going to move away from you, not toward you. Thus strengthening your idea that people suck. I’m not talking about tough times here, so please don’t misunderstand me. If something heartbreaking happens, you have to feel your feelings around all of that, and take your time. What I’m talking about is a way of being, your general outlook. And of course this is going to be shaped by your history, but at a certain point, we all have to take the reigns.

On the other hand, if you’re on a track that says, “You know, things aren’t perfect but I have my health. I have a place to call home. I have food in my refrigerator. I have people in my life who love me, and people I love with my whole heart. There are damaged people in the world, but there are also so many good people. And life can be devastating, but it can also be devastatingly beautiful. I’m going to do whatever I can with whatever I’ve got to try to make this world a little brighter”, I guarantee you that will also affect the way you move through your day. The more you can pick your mind up and bring it back to all the amazing things you do have, the more thankful you will feel. And the more you focus on all the things you don’t have yet, that aren’t going well, that haven’t unfolded the way you’d like, that other people have and you don’t, the more miserable you will be.

Yes, life will bring circumstances, and some of them will break your heart wide open. You can let those experiences close you and harden you. You can decide life is something to get through. You can say things like, “I’m killing time”. Or you can let those experiences open you and soften you. You can keep picking the mind up and bringing it back to love. I’m not saying everything in your life will be magically perfect if you do that. I’m simply saying that being in a state of gratitude feels so much better than being angry and shut down.

And being kind to yourself is a huge part of the equation. Because if your inner voice is harsh, unforgiving and merciless, wow are you going to suffer. You can beat yourself down into a state of loneliness and confusion and shame if you’re not careful. You can come to believe you are totally alone and no one cares. Thats a lie, of course, but you can convince yourself of that if the mind is dark enough. And you can wear your despair and disappointment on your sleeve. Or you can work on feeding a loving voice. A kind, compassionate, caring voice. Because whatever you feed will grow and strengthen. Feed love. Feed it with everything you’ve got. Be vigilant about it. Because what you think absolutely affects how you feel, and how you feel influences what you say and do, the level of compassion you extend to yourself and others, your ability to forgive your own mistakes and those of all the other humans around you, your likelihood of finding your purpose, of moving in the direction of that inner, burning Yes… all these things require love.

If all that sounds good to you, you’ve got to put your train on the Love track. And don’t just think you can, know you can. I know you can. Sending you love and a little Toot, Toot! Ally Hamilton

Grab Your Suit, and Let’s Do This

I think a lot of people search for happiness, but a long time ago I started searching for the truth. When I say the truth, I just mean the truth as it exists in my own life; I’m not suggesting what’s true for me is true for you. I just don’t believe it’s possible to find any kind of inner peace if you’re lying to yourself in any way, or refusing to accept the truth about relationships or situations in your life. That means knowing yourself, understanding what lights you up, recognizing when you don’t show up the way you’d like to and examining what happened for you so you can do it differently the next time. Being accountable for the energy you’re spreading, being aware of the things you’re feeling and saying and doing. That kind of truth.

Blaming other people for your unhappiness (which I certainly used to do), is a form of lying to yourself. If you’re over 25 (and I’d really kind of like to say 20), and you are not happy with the way your life looks and feels, it is on you, now. No matter what may be behind you, what you’ve gone through, or how many different ways you’ve been hurt or disappointed, only you are responsible for your own happiness.

Clinging, manipulating and numbing out are all forms of lying to yourself. Love is not something you force. It’s something you give, freely, with the understanding that you may be hurt. Sometimes you’ll get hurt because we are always growing, and two people don’t always grow together. Sometimes you’ll be hurt as a result of where a person is on their particular path. People can only be where they are, they can only give what they’ve got. If you don’t accept the truth of the situation, you are in for a world of pain.

We all know when things just don’t “feel right”. There’s no hiding from that reality, but people try to do just that all the time. They hide with busy-ness or distraction or drinking until they’re comfortably numb. With shopping or decorating or eating or not eating or video games. With trying to manage another person’s journey, or trying to cajole the love out of them. Love is not a sales pitch. You should not have to prove you’re worthy of it. If you feel you do, you need to stop everything and figure out how you could not know that you are. Because that is some deep pain. That is the number one thing you’d better get busy healing. And time passes in the fog of a lie. It won’t get you anywhere. Wherever you go, you will bring the pain of the lie with you, and you will have to use most of your energy to push it down. You will make yourself sick in your soul.

I would rather know the truth and be in pain than sleepwalk in a lie. There is no beauty in delusion. The truth to me is a comfort, even if it cuts down the center of my heart. Because it’s real and I know I’m awake. I don’t want to distract myself from life, I want to be soaked in it. I want to swim, you know? I do not expect smooth waters all the time. We are all going to be thrown against the rocks in life. In my experience, that’s when the growth happens. When you’re cut and bleeding and you think, “How did I not see this coming? Why did I swim this way, and hang out here in the eye of the storm for so long? Why don’t I love myself?”. You need to find the answers to those questions if this is speaking to you. And you know, sometimes you love yourself but a storm hits, anyway.

This may sound kind of dark, but it isn’t at all. Its simply that life is full of joy and pain, of darkness and light, of laughter that comes from your very center, and tears that come from that same place, too. And if you’re awake and swimming, you will also be there to appreciate and soak in all the love, all the joy, all the yes of life. The incredible moments when someone looks you in the eye and you know you are being seen. Understood. Celebrated. You’ll know that that’s real, too. If you want to be happy, you’re going to have to swim in the ocean of your truth. That’s where the love is. That’s where you find your happy. Grab your suit and start paddling. I’m sending you so much love, and a boogie board, Ally Hamilton

If Not You, Then Who?

We live in this crazy world where everyone wants to look the same and sound the same and dress the same, and we are taught to color inside the lines and get in line and sit down and stand up and be quiet and SMILE! when a picture is taken. To follow the rules and stay the course and buy, buy, buy!

Meanwhile our souls are crushed, that spark that’s inside every one of us, that is unique to each of us is just screaming, just bursting to come out, to sing, to dance, to own this thing, you know? That’s why you’re here, to discover that gift that is only yours and to give it away with everything you’ve got, with abandon, with delight. But you’ll never find it if you’ve loaded yourself down with the weight of should. If you’re trying to fit in and be “normal”.

You wanna know what normal looks like? Someone who works 60 hours a week at a job they don’t really like because that’s what they went to school for, or that’s what their parents were hoping for, or that’s what they thought they wanted until they realized they didn’t but were too afraid to change course. Normal looks like someone who has a horrible relationship with their own body, who wants to control it or defeat it, or fit it into those size zero jeans, or buff it out until they can’t wear a button down shirt. It looks like miserable relationships where people sit in front of the tv together all night and go to bed in a zombied-out stupor. And then one day they die. This is what we’re told is “normal”. Sounds great, doesn’t it?

Do you think you’re here to be like anyone else or to do your journey the way other people tell you you should? No one can be a better you than you. You are here for a reason, you have something inside you no one else has. It may be buried under ideas and beliefs, pain and grief and shame and anger, but I guarantee you, it is there. Embrace yourself. Love yourself. Be kind to yourself. Check your internal dialogue and see if there’s room for more compassion. Discover and surprise yourself. Because you’re extraordinary, you know? You’re the only you there has ever been or will ever be. You’re miraculous and it would be such a shame to deny the world of your particular miracle. Be you. Be you all the way. Let your heart run the show, let your head follow along. Face your fears so you can see they weren’t as overwhelming as you thought. And move in the direction of your yes. Your intuition knows the way. Your whole being wants to go there. Please let it. And unless you are naturally a size zero, burn those jeans. Lots of love to you, Ally Hamilton

Don’t Miss the View!

There are two ways to do life. One way seems like the easy way. You follow the status quo and decide it’s all about what you have and how you look and who you’re with, and you devote all your time and energy to these things and find ways to numb yourself out from the absurdity of it all. You do this with food or drugs or sex or stuff, but most of the time you feel miserable and tired. You think things like, “What’s the point of it all?”

The other way seems like the hard way. You face your fears. You listen to that small but truthful voice inside you that says, “There is NO WAY this life is about how big your butt is, or your bank account, can we please get real? There’s a life to live here that is beautiful and amazing, there’s a song you need to be singing, what, exactly, are you doing???” And you get busy. You get busy paying attention, listening deeply, acknowledging your pain, doing the work. You stop chasing happiness in the form of “stuff”, and you start chasing the truth (I mean what is true for you). You probably feel sick to your stomach and lonely and scared and like you must be crazy for walking away from your comfort zone and all the people waving you back like the Wild Things. But comfort zones are located in the middle. You cannot see the incredible view from there.

That may seem like the hard way, and it is brutal for awhile, there’s no doubt. Getting real is a painful process of shedding anything you’ve taken on that isn’t authentic to you, including ways of thinking and being. It hurts. But it is so much better to move through your pain for awhile, realize what you know, remember who you are, discover why you’re here, and take your gorgeous self right out to the edge of life, where the sun is stunningly bright and yellow and orange and pink and you can be your true self. You can stand with your feet on the ground and your heart wide open, and just be awed by all the beauty and suffering, all the love and confusion, all the light and darkness. And you can sing the song of compassion and add your colors to this incredible life, this chaotic, mysterious, mind-bending experience. When it breaks your heart wide open, you can cry a real, true cry, right from your gut. And when it amazes you, you can receive the gifts with gratitude and love and delight. We have this thing backwards. The easy way is the hard way. The hard way is only hard for awhile. Then it’s awesome. Pick awesome. Start walking. Awesome won’t wait, and you do not want to miss it. Sending you love, Ally Hamilton

Are We There Yet?

No one is perfect, we are all just human. As such, we will all make mistakes, say things we don’t mean, do things we wish we hadn’t, and be left with the mess to clean up.

Sometimes you will be the person who made the mess, and sometimes someone else’s mess will land on your head. I’ve certainly been on both sides of that equation, and neither one is especially fun. If someone else’s mess lands on your head, you may have some pretty strong feelings about it. Especially if you feel the situation could have been avoided. But there are always two or three (or more) sides to every story, and your perception is just that. Nonetheless, it’s very unlikely anyone is intentionally “messing with your head.” I’m not saying that never happens, and if you feel you’re caught up with someone who is, then get yourself un-caught. Quickly. Because life is too short for that.

But if it’s the kind of messy stuff that happens as a result of simply being human, work through your feelings, express yourself, shampoo your head, and let it go. If it was your moment to blow it, examine what happened so you can show up differently the next time. Know yourself, and be accountable, but also try to give yourself and the other humans you know a break. We all want to feel appreciated and loved. It feels terrible to be the object of someone’s pain, or anger, or contempt. And it also feels terrible to be angry, disappointed and resentful. Don’t “boil yourself” alone for too long. Talk things out with people you trust, and whenever possible, practice forgiveness so you can set yourself, and the mess maker(s) free. Because you’re going be the mess maker too, it’s just a matter of time.

We need to love each other. We need to know how to look someone in the eye and say, “I blew it, I’m so sorry”. (You can’t do that all the time, though, or “I’m sorry” becomes meaningless!). This business of being human is not easy, and it’s a nightmare for perfectionists (full disclosure: I know because I’m a 97% recovered perfectionist). Being in a constant state of disappointment with yourself and others is no way to live; it’s life in prison. Forgiveness is the key. You can find it tucked away in this little pocket in your heart. Reach in there if you need to and set someone free. You may be the someone. Be kind to yourself and to everyone you encounter. We are all in this crazy, beautiful, mysterious, gorgeous mess of being human together. The path is full of twists and turns, and so are we. We are all going to trip and fall and screw things up sometimes. May as well recognize that and have the hose ready! Sending you love, and a hug, Ally Hamilton

That’s So Last Year

“If you carry the bricks from your past relationships to the new one, you will build the same house.” ~Unknown

Past relationships include familial ones and romantic ones. We are like sponges, and if we let ourselves, we are learning all the time. This is especially true of children. If you didn’t have a healthy model of what a loving relationship looks like, it’s a bit difficult to have a frame of reference once you get out there in the world yourself. That doesn’t mean you can’t learn and grow and heal your way into a state of love, because you most certainly can. It just means if you don’t do the work of healing, you are probably going to play out your history.

None of us would choose to drag our past into our present, yet most of us have done it to some degree or another. If you haven’t healed your “original wounds”, that’s the stuff that will probably show up as you enter your first few relationships. It’s the subconscious at play. Something in here is hurting and wants relief. Let’s see if we can rewrite history to make this go away. Sadly, when you have deep unacknowledged pain, you are probably just going to repeat history, not rewrite it, thereby strengthening your hypothesis.

And the more we play this stuff out and re-open those old wounds, the more concrete our ideas become. If you have an outlook that says, “Everybody leaves” you are likely to pick people who are prone to leaving. That way you can be “right” and blame your pain on someone else’s actions. Our pain is ours to examine. Anywhere you have unhealed wounds, it’s like a marker, a beacon of light that will draw you to it saying, “Here, look. You are still carrying this around, and it’s so heavy.”

If you avoid those beacons because it’s just too exhausting to be with your pain, do not expect to heal or grow. Plan on stumbling over many things behind you. Otherwise, quiet your mind and open your heart and embrace your pain. Sit with it, lean into it. That’s how you release the heat of it. Thats how you open to a new way of being. Ignoring or repressing it gives it strength. It has to come back twice as hard to get your attention.

The work of healing is easier than you think, because mostly, it involves realizing what you already know. Stripping away those layers of armor that have hardened around your heart, like fear and guilt and rage and shame, so that you can let all your love out without having to go into battle with yourself. Then the only thing you’ll be tripping over is your own laughter. Rage and resentment weigh us down and make us sick. Love is our natural state. And love doesn’t trip. Get some and give some. I love you, Ally

Start Sweeping!

You can only clean up your own path, and let love in. Sometimes someone will stumble across the winding road you’re on, or maybe you’ll invite them to walk with you, and they’ll shatter the glass of their fear or their rage or their pain all over the place and you will cut yourself and bleed. You may need to sit down and cry for awhile. Awhile may be days or weeks or months, and in some cases, years. If you chose to be in a situation that made you bleed for a long time, then you’re going to need to look at the story of your participation, not the story of all the things the other person did or did not do. That’s their story and their path to examine and clean up. Or not.

If it’s life or loss that’s shattered that glass along your way, please have a good deal of compassion for yourself. Take your time, find your way slowly. Just know that at a certain point, you’ll have to get up, do what you can to heal your own wounds and keep walking. Hopefully there will be a hand to hold. If not, you are never alone. You may feel that you are, but if you tune in to it, you will feel the energy of so many people walking their own paths, trying to heal and return to their natural state of love and joy and curiosity. There are certain losses that cut so deep, you are likely to have a shard of glass in your heart forever. Even so, you can still acknowledge that pain, and let love in.

Blame and shame walk hand in hand. Pointing the finger at people or circumstances to explain or justify your own inability to open to love will not get you anywhere except a dark ditch on the side of the road. Shaming yourself for your participation in a blood-letting for your heart will only lead to more pain and confusion. We are all human. We all have a journey to take. It’s not always going to be pretty. There are no wrong turns in the road, there are just many opportunities to learn more about yourself. The better you know yourself, the more likely you are to find your purpose and be at peace. And the more accountable you’ll be for the energy you’re spreading, the way you’re showing up in life, the way you take care of the hearts of others.

Some people don’t enjoy the path, or they only want the part that’s smooth and full of sunlight. Don’t be afraid of the dark, wet, slippery slopes and falling rock zones. Hail pelting the top of your head. Those are the places where you strengthen and stretch yourself, where you learn to trust yourself, where you begin to understand what you’re made of. Once you realize you’re made of love, it’s not so much about letting it in, as it is about shining it out all over the place. I hope you do. Sending you a ton of love right now, Ally.

Are You Tense?

You know what’s funny? The past, present and future will show up everywhere with you if your mind is running the show, because the mind LOVES time travel. And it prefers the past or the future to the present. We humans are supposed to be elevated because we can reason. But we are so great at screwing it up. We’re like a bunch of talking heads. Blah blah blah.

I believe a mind that is serving your heart and your intuition can be a beautiful and powerful tool. You can use your mind to answer questions like: How do I put my dreams into action? How do I face my fears? How do I have this painful conversation, what is the best way to go about it? What actions can I take to make a difference, to bring more fulfillment and purpose into my life? What tools or methods appeal to me, how do I go about this journey of healing, of quieting, of discovering?

But in order to function optimally, we have to be able to quiet the mind, so we can hear that voice that knows the way. Our intuition can chart the course to our purpose, fulfillment and joy if we have the courage to follow it. Otherwise, the obsessive, redundant nature of the unchecked mind will spin us right out of the joy, wonder, beauty, pain, love, anger, confusion, grief, laughter and connection that is ONLY available in the present. That stuff is the juice of life. Without it, life is a painful process of change and darkness, fear and anxiety, confusion, depression and longing. Because usually when we visit the past we do so with some sadness or regret or desire. If we’re revisiting a person we’ve lost, the memory may be happy, but the resulting feeling will be the thud of grief that lands on the heart and renders us breathless. (And please don’t misunderstand me, I believe in remembering those who have been taken from us too soon. I just don’t think they’d want us to live in that space of pain and heartache for too much of our present. I believe they’d want us to find the joy again, and to open to love). And when we think about the future we do so with anxiety or fear, or craving. We might have a vision of how we want things to be, and then feel frustrated or dissatisfied with how things are.

I’m going to say something that I feel is left unsaid too often. There are certain losses that will never fully heal. If you’ve endured a loss like that, then you know what I mean. I’m not talking about the break-up of a relationship. I’m talking about the kind of loss where your heart and mind scream with the pain of, how do I possibly face this? All that can be hoped for in those extreme cases is the discovering of a new normal, where a certain amount of sadness is present, more so on some days than others. And hopefully that sadness will lead to greater compassion and understanding for ourselves and others.

But allowing yourself to move through life as the servant of your mind is a sure way to be absolutely miserable. If your body (which is your home) were a building, the un-mastered mind would be the top floor, and there’d be about 900 people up there, running around in circles, arms waving, holding files full of thoughts, judgments, ideas, shoulds, can’ts, why’s, and worries, screaming at each other. With harsh lighting, and windows that don’t open.

The heart would be right in the center of the building. Quiet, with huge, floor-to-celing windows, a beautiful breeze blowing in, and the most extraordinary light. No yelling, no people, just a presence, just a voice, just you. Or me. Or any of us. Because that spark lives in all of us.

In the basement, you have storage. File cabinets full of every experience you’ve ever had, some marked “awesome”, some marked, “heartache, betrayal, loss”, some marked, “rage, jealousy, moments I wish I could do over”, some marked, “really unhealthy choices”. There are no windows in the basement, and there’s no light, because there’s no potential in the past.

The 900 people on the top floor love to race to the basement and grab files to run around with. They might pass by that peaceful, quiet, truthful floor of the heart, because it can be uncomfortable to face reality as it is. To come into the now. To realize how extraordinary you are. To take responsibility for your own peace, even if it’s the peace of enduring what cannot be changed, and healing where we can heal. The view from the heart is so expansive, sometimes it scares people and they go running for the basement. But when the heart takes over, it is a gorgeous thing. Because you know what the heart does?

It goes upstairs and fires almost everyone. The most efficient person will remain to keep things organized. Two or three others may be left behind, but they’ll only be able to cause a minimal amount of trouble, and only on really challenging days. Mostly, the heart will be able to shush them easily. Then the heart goes to the basement, and sets fire to all those old files. Except for two or three very special entries that may need to be protected. And then the heart goes and sits by that open window, with the breeze blowing by, and watches the whole world unfold with new eyes, with relief, with, Yes. Finally.

Life is such a gift. Just the experience of being here. Of learning. Of growing. Of screwing it up and trying again. Of finding your purpose. Of being really, truly present and awake and aware. Engaged with the now of the thing. Your heart has a beautiful song to sing. If you want to be at peace, you have to let it. I really really hope you do. Sending you love, Ally Hamilton

The Pitfalls of Pinball

The hairs that stand up on the back of your neck do not lie. That sick feeling in your gut is there for a reason. If you have nagging doubts or fears, or something just does not feel right, don’t ignore that, or you will end up running heart first into a brick wall.

Having said that, if you have been betrayed in the past, you have to recognize the difference between listening to your intuition, and assuming all people will hurt you because one person did. And if you find that you are continually choosing people who treat you badly, then you have to look at why you feel you don’t deserve to be loved and cherished. Sometimes people send me emails that say something along the lines of, “Everybody cheats. Or lies. Or leaves”. No. Everyone you’re choosing does those things, and you need to figure out what deep pain is at the root of your choices. What original wound has not healed? You wouldn’t be playing it out over and over again, and trying to rewrite history if you had unhooked your journey from that old experience.

Overriding the voice of your intuition is a sure way to land yourself in a world of pain. And listen. Maybe you need to do that a few (or several) times to get the lesson. I remember times in my past knowing I was making an unhealthy choice, being aware of those hairs on the back of my neck, and doing it anyway. That’s one step ahead of doing it unconsciously, or one step further on the path of trusting your gut. So don’t beat yourself up, but don’t let yourself off the hook when it all goes bad, either. Don’t point the finger at the other person, turn it around and deal with yourself. Eventually you will realize hitting the wall feels really bad, and turning and walking in a different direction feels really good. Empowering. Liberating. Like you’re finally loving yourself.

I believe your heart and your intuition have it all figured out, and the mind is a mess. The mind is so loud and full of shoulds and ideas and judgments, and, “Oh, this looks great on paper, you’d be crazy not to pursue it!”. I’m not just talking about romantic relationships, either. We do this professionally, too. If you don’t get a hold of it, your mind is like a giant pinball machine, and your subconscious is the ball. Your unhealed wounds pull the trigger, and you, my friend, are falling down the chute.

A quiet mind is a gift. And it takes a lot of dedication and determination, but you can absolutely create space between your thoughts. A fair amount of it if you practice long enough. (This is the most beautiful and most life-changing result of a consistent yoga and meditation practice…it’s no magic bullet, but I can tell you after 20 years of practice six days a week, it works. And your hard work pays off because you actually become engaged with the present. Awake in the moment. I could go on for quite awhile because I’m so grateful I found yoga. Without it I would have been a loud pinball machine). When the mind isn’t screaming at you all day, you can hear the quiet, calm, truthful voice of your intuition. And if you’ve taken the time to heal yourself, you won’t even have to think about whether or not you should follow it. You’ll just be like, “Oh, really? Awesome, let’s get out of here!”. You won’t waste the gift of your time here setting yourself up to get hurt. Because, you know, you’ll love yourself. You’ll keep moving in the direction of that resounding yes within you. You probably won’t spend much time on the maybes, either. Your intuition doesn’t know the word maybe. It’s going to say yes, or no. Your mind throws in the maybe, and my belief is that a maybe is usually a no.

Go with your yes. Follow your heart. Of course take your (quiet) mind along for the ride. But let those hairs on the back of your neck tell you which way to go at every fork in the road. And be amazed by what unfolds. Wishing you enough quiet to realize what you know, and to remember who you are. Love. Ally

This Moment is Already Part of Your Past

It’s so easy to get caught up in this lie of living to work. Of racing through the day. Of being so tired and distracted when you are with your loved ones, you really might as well be somewhere else. All with this idea that it will “get better when…”

We’ve set up a crazy system where we’re all separated from each other; we have glorified self-reliance to the point of isolation. We’ve bought into the idea that we must compete to survive. It’s good to be able to take care of yourself, to be accountable for the energy you’re spreading, to take responsibility for your own happiness, or lack of it. But we are so much on our own that in order to survive we believe we have to race. I think thats just a form of numbing out. Of avoiding the reality that we are all going to die one day. Maybe if I’m insanely busy I can forget my days are numbered. When I see people out in the world, mostly they look stunned, dazed, depressed, asleep. I want to say, “Wait. What are you doing? This is your life, it’s happening right here, right in this moment. Why are you sleeping?!” There are many times I want to hug someone awake. Total strangers. Hug-to-hug resuscitation.

If your entire focus is on racing, there’s really no time to be breathing. Listening. Tinkering. Exploring. Soaking in all the beautiful moments that are going by in a blur, that will never happen again. And if you want to be at peace, it must seem obvious that racing isn’t the way to get there. Because peace doesn’t come in a paycheck (assuming you have your basic needs met, of course). If you’ve got a roof over your head and clothes on your back and good health and food in your refrigerator and people in your life who love you, You. Are. Blessed.

In our crazy system, it would be very easy to race right over that reality. To take it for granted. To want more, something different, something bigger or better or new. To think you can appreciate all that stuff you do have when things calm down. Things will NEVER calm down unless you take yourself out of the race. I’m not saying you shouldn’t work hard. But I am saying if you’re doing something you love, if you can carve out some time every day when you feel like you’re helping people in any way, it’s not going to feel like work. I do not accept you are here to work at a job you can’t stand 80 hours a week, living for a vacation one week out of the year, collapsing on the weekends, accruing money and stuff. I do not believe anyone really wants to wait until they’re retired to start enjoying life. I mean, better then than never, but what makes any of us think long life is guaranteed? That love can wait. That our deepest dreams can be kept on the back burner? Or maybe you know all this already. Maybe you’re not racing, but perhaps your quiet moments are spent in despair instead of gratitude, because you are just not allowing yourself to act upon that voice inside you that knows what you want.

Osho has a beautiful quote, “The real question is not whether life exists after death. The real question is whether you are alive before death.” Don’t wait. If there’s something deep within you crying out for your attention, something pulling at your heart and weighing on your soul, something that is just longing to come out of you, open your mouth and sing it out all over the place. That’s your purpose. That small voice knows exactly what you need to do, which direction you need to move, what action you need to take to start living the life you want to be living. Denying yourself that roadmap is senseless and it’s also an act of ingratitude. Because you’re not only denying yourself all the light and love that is available within you, you’re denying everyone you encounter as well. It’s not watering the flower inside your own heart. Can you get the picture of a wilted daisy in your mind? That’s what’s happening inside your heart if you are ignoring it. You have to water that flower if you aren’t already. You might have to water it with an ocean of tears for awhile. But being awake and in pain long enough to heal and find freedom and live your life with your heart wide open is so much better than being asleep. You could be shining. You could be loving your life, with all its imperfections and surprises and challenges, and even with its pain. You could be joyful and grateful to be on this journey even as it breaks your heart. Isn’t that crazy? Life won’t wait forever. Love won’t happen in your past or your future, but you could dive into it right now. I hope you do. Sending you an ocean of love to dive into. Ally

That’s Okay, I’ll Drive!!

No one can make you feel anything, unless you let them. This is a tough one to swallow, I know. But it goes hand in hand with another important reality, which is that you cannot save anyone, or make anyone happy. (In other words, you can’t make anyone feel anything, either).

I say this is tough to swallow, because many people think in terms of cause and effect when it comes to interpersonal relationships. This other person said, or did, x, y, or z, and it made me feel hurt or angry or disappointed or excited or happy. Your feelings are yours. Where you invest your time and energy is a choice. What you allow yourself to open to is a decision. If someone says something that hurts your feelings, the first thing to do is examine whether you believe the thing that was said is true. If it’s not true, there’s no real reason to get worked up. Earlier this afternoon my almost 6-year old son called my 3-year old daughter, “Poopy-head”. She got very upset and came running to me and I looked at her very seriously and asked, “ARE you a Poopy-head??”, and she paused and said no, with a little bit of a smile, and a twinkle in her eye. And I said, “That’s right, you’re not. So he’s saying something that isn’t true. So why are you upset?” And she started laughing. Sometimes people are projecting something of theirs onto you. (Not that my son is a Poopy-head, he’s just 6 ;)). And, we are all going to be misunderstood from time to time. If it is true, then you have to figure out what is being reflected back to you. What within you needs some healing?

If a person isn’t happy, you cannot fix that for them. Sylvia Boorstein is a beautiful meditation teacher, and she wrote a great book called, “Happiness is an Inside Job”. It totally is. Sometimes we fall in love and those happy hormones take over for awhile, but I promise you, if you or the other person was not happy to begin with, the high of the newness will wear off, and the pain underneath will rise back up to the surface. This is why people who bought that line, “You complete me” are always disappointed at the 3 or 6-month mark in a relationship. How come my completion doesn’t feel as awesome anymore? Maybe this isn’t the right person, after all. The “right person” to complete you, is you. Two complete people coming together can create something beautiful. But that happens less than half the time. Are less than half the people happy? Shouldn’t we do something about that? Like maybe teach our children how to follow their hearts?

The not-being-able-to-save-anyone part is not easy, either. When we care deeply for someone, it’s painful to watch them struggle, or self-destruct, or continue patterns of behavior that will only bring them more despair, or loneliness, or isolation. But everyone has to “do” their own journey. You just can’t manage another person’s path. You can do everything in your power to help, you can communicate your feelings, you can make suggestions, or even lead a person to the doorstep where genuine help is available, but ultimately, they are gonna have to walk through that door on their own two feet, because they want to, because the old way isn’t working anymore, or it will not work. The healing will not hold. And sometimes in order to love yourself well, you need to step away. With your keys. And drive with the windows down, weeping if you need to. Sending your love out into the wind, hoping it will land.

I’m sending you some right now. Ally

I love how this graphic looks like a graveyard plaque, because if you’re stuck, if you’re postponing your yes, your authentic self, your purpose, if you’re comparing and contrasting your journey to other people’s experiences, if you’re stuck in bitterness and resentment, then you are, in essence, not living. Existing, killing time, obsessing, waiting…none of these resembles truly living with your heart wide open.

There was a time in my life many years ago when I was very stuck. My, “Before Yoga” days. Before Yoga Daze. I was stuck in blame and anger and excuses and rationalizations and numbing out. I made unhealthy relationship choices, and didn’t take care of myself well. I was pretty miserable. I was attached to my story because it let me off the hook. I could just keep retelling it to myself to explain away my own poor choices. But after awhile, sad stories become really boring and kind of lame. Because there’s another story that could be unfolding if you decided to get out a pen and develop a new plot. And somewhere inside yourself you know that, you can feel that. And the not doing it starts to make you sick in your soul. Soul-sick.

Every day, I see people asking some variation of the question, “Why is this happening to me?” The “this” might be life, or the ending of a relationship, or the loss of a loved one or a job, or some combination therein. It’s a perfectly natural and understandable question to ask, especially if life is presenting you with incomprehensibly painful circumstances. Tuesday as I was driving around having a perfectly lovely day, I found myself with tears streaming down my face at the thought of some situations we are presented with in life. Not me at this particular time, but just the awareness that there are people out there right now dealing with the kind of pain that just takes your breath away.

If you look at life as something that is “happening to you”, as opposed to something you are co-creating (because yes, life is going to present the circumstances, but you are going to decide how you’ll respond), then you’re going to feel like a victim. And there’s just no power in that. I understand there can be short term pay offs when we point fingers and justify, or decide it’s too much, and sleepwalking is a better option, but ultimately if you want to be at peace, that stuff is simply not going to get you there. There’s incredible strength that comes from forgiveness. Forgiving yourself, other people, life itself. Unhooking your journey from your painful experiences. Not forgetting about them or denying them, but just sitting with them long enough to release the heat of the pain so you can move forward in love. In compassion. In patience and understanding.

And comparing and contrasting your life to anyone else’s is also a grave waste of your time and energy. Everyone has their own path to walk, to mend, to discover. Instead of, “Why is this happening to me?”, try to keep it simple, “This is happening”. And do your best to be present and aware and awake so you can respond instead of react. We can never control circumstances, but we can work on how we deal with them. There’s tremendous power in that. Taking responsibility for the parts of your life you can affect feels good. Then you can start to get creative with your pen. You can create any plot your heart can hold. That doesn’t mean it will turn out exactly the way you want it to, but if you’re moving from your heart, from your Yes, the journey is going to be beautiful. Even the pain and disappointment will have a sharp-edged beauty to them, because you’ll be awake. And your heart can hold so much when it’s open. Being awake with an open heart is a great way to travel. Start where you are. Sending you love. Ally

Let it Go (But don’t let go of actual balloons ;))

Oh, the mind. It gets so easily snagged on the negative. Something happens and it doesn’t unfold the way we hoped and the mind just spins. And replays. And spins some more. Sometimes it’s our own behavior that disappoints us. We feel angry or heartbroken about the way we showed up with someone and long to do it over. Rewrite it in our minds. Say it right, or do it differently.

Sometimes it’s someone else. There are so many experiences in life that just don’t have clear, definable endings. People do not reveal themselves in a linear fashion anymore than life does. Once in awhile someone we’ve been close to for a long time pulls away suddenly and without explanation. Or we are betrayed or shamed. This doesn’t feel good when it happens with people we are just getting to know, either. It’s hard to let go of things without closure, without a full understanding of what transpired. But life and people just don’t come wrapped up in neat little packages like that. We humans are messy and complicated, and life is always throwing us curveballs and forks in the road. When we hold on to anger or judgment or blame, or drive ourselves crazy trying to redo something that can’t be redone, we are the ones who suffer.

Here’s the thing. You are not going to understand everything. Not everything is going to be explained. Not everyone is going to communicate in a way that gives you peace. Very frequently in life, you have to find the peace yourself. We all make mistakes. No one shows up as their highest self in every moment. At a certain point, you really have to forgive yourself and forgive others for their humanness. Human-mess. And…Let. It. Go.

Pain is perfectly natural. Sometimes we are in pain with no explanation and the only solution is to open to it. To lean into it, to explore it, to accept this is how things are for now, and to remember everything is in a constant state of flux. To be kind to yourself. How you feel now is not how you’ll feel forever, or even next week. Sit with your pain, but do your best to release the details, the obsession, the do-overs. Because that is called living in the past. That is called missing the moment. And the moments are precious. You don’t want to spend too many of them agonizing over what has happened and why, or making yourself sick with worry about what might happen in the future. Just come back to right now.

You don’t have to be perfect, you don’t have to get everything right, and neither does, or will, anyone else. It’s part of the deal of being human. Embrace that. Examine your mistakes long enough to understand yourself, and well enough to avoid repeating them. Accept that other people have their own path to walk and manage, and it may not always be pretty. And carry on. Life is too short to miss. I’m pretty sure of that. Sending you love. Ally

There is a Crack in Everything

Rumi has a beautiful quote, “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” Any pain you’ve endured has the potential to open you and soften your heart. The kindest people I know have all suffered. We don’t invite suffering, we don’t ask for pain; nonetheless, the darkest times tend to lead to the most growth, the deepest understanding, the greatest expansion of compassion for ourselves and everyone we encounter.

We live in a crazy world where we’ve learned to lie to each other all day. “How are you?” “I’m fine! How are you?” Maybe you’re not fine, maybe you’re falling apart right now. But we’ve got this idea that we’re supposed to edit ourselves, to keep it “light”, to, “Smile as Your Heart is Breaking”. And then we go home and weep. Do you think you’re alone? Do you think you’re the only one who feels despair and heartache and fear sometimes? What could be more vulnerable than the condition of being human? Of knowing we have a finite amount of time to figure out how to shine, how to love with our whole hearts, how to be at peace, how to release fear? What if we started telling each other the truth? “How are you?” “Well, I feel stuck and I’m not sure what to do about it. I have a deep feeling I should be moving in a different direction, but I can’t act because I don’t want to disappoint all these people who are counting on me to keep sleepwalking through my life. How are you?” That would be a little different, no?

And when we feel other people are somehow cruising through life with no doubt, no fear, no suffering, of course we start to think it’s us. And if I’m so broken, how can I possibly save myself, or spread any light anywhere? Let me tell you something. We are all broken. Life is happening in all its brilliant inexplicable chaos and we are here, breathing, trying to make sense of it all. Embrace your pain, your fear, your doubt, your shame, your guilt, your insecurity. You are human like every other person you will ever meet, no matter how perfect they may seem. Human beings are not perfect. No one’s life is perfect. Until you embrace and accept yourself in your entirety, as long as you deny your “cracks”, you just cannot open to love.

Love is accepting. Love will celebrate you, sing your name to the stars, wrap you up in yes, teach you how to use your pain to heal yourself and anyone you may encounter who could use some love, some light, a hug, a touch on the arm. Some forgiveness. Some relief. Some, “Oh, yes, me too!”. You are not meant to be perfect. You are meant to be amazingly, humanly, you.

Find your gift. It may be covered in debris, and you may have to dig for a while. You may bleed in those moments where you pick up memories like shards of glass. You may weep and think there’s nothing there. But if you listen hard enough you will hear a small voice. You may not recognize it at first, but it is the universe speaking through you, showing you your own particular truth, your own path to healing. Because we are all in this thing together, we are all made of the same stuff. And I am positive we’re supposed to be helping each other. You don’t have to be perfect to help. You just have to be you. And you are miraculous, you truly are. You could help so much, just by healing yourself. When you do that, it feels so incredible you want to help other people do it for themselves. You want to say, “I’m going to help you dig until you find that shimmering essential spark that is just yours. And then I’m going to watch you spread it all over the place.” I think I just said that to You. Sending you love, Ally Hamilton

How Did This Happen?!

Do you ever find yourself in the exact situation you were trying to avoid and wonder how this could have happened, or find yourself thinking the universe has a twisted sense of humor? Are you sure it’s the “universe”?

Carl Jung has a quote, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” Any places within you that could use some healing will make themselves known to you one way or another. If you’ve found yourself in a set of circumstances you were consciously hoping to avoid, it’s your unconscious at work, waving a burning flag at you. The flag is a marker. It’s your intuition drawing you toward an obstacle you need to address first, in order to open fully to love. We all want to heal.

Knowing yourself is at the heart of any spiritual practice. And there’s just no getting around those places where we’re raw, where we’ve been hurt or disappointed or betrayed or abandoned. Until you acknowledge those places and sit with them for awhile, they’ll continue to seek your attention.

But it’s not really “them” seeking you, it’s YOU seeking you. You just may have to play it out in order to “get it”. When a current experience feels like the ghost of an old situation, you’re probably in for some serious pain. Because in a very real sense you’re re-living the original wound. Sometimes people have to do that over and over again, especially those who run from the experience or numb it out or push it down. It’s so much better if you can turn and face it, because ignoring or denying it won’t make it go away. It’ll just keep chasing you. And ruling your life.

We all have pain. Sometimes people apologize to me for crying in the yoga room during class. Are you kidding me? Let the tears flow. Give yourself a safe place to allow those feelings to come up so you can release them. This is how you unhook your journey from an old wound and find the freedom to move forward without having to carry that heavy stuff on your back. There’s no reason your past has to rule your present or your future, and there’s no sense in finding yourself on the same painful road over and over again, either. Sit down on the curb for awhile and bawl your eyes out if you need to. When you’re ready, stand up and start walking. Just put one foot in front of the other. When you come to the fork in the road and one sign says “Same Old Road” and the other says, “Highway of Love”, I’m pretty sure you’ll know which way to go. And you’ll still think, “How did this happen?!”, but you’ll have a big grin on your face. Because love feels good. Sending you some right now, Ally Hamilton

Look at you, shining and so beautiful.

Love requires vulnerability. If you are not willing to surrender, to kneel down and offer up your gorgeous heart, true love cannot find you. I’m not talking about recklessness. Your heart is precious and you wouldn’t want to offer it up lightly. But if you are feeling that resounding yes about someone then you will have to find the courage to risk that your heart might be broken, and to trust that if it is, the breaking open will soften you and lead you to deeper healing, understanding and growth. I’m not just talking about romantic love, here.

In order to give love, you have to let go of any idea of quid pro quo. People are not property, and loving someone does not give you ownership of them. Saying, “I love you” is much different than saying, “I love you when you do what I want you to do”. This includes your children if you are a parent. (I’m not talking about teaching children how to be compassionate, accountable people, I’m saying sometimes parents have a hard time allowing their children to unfold. Carl Jung has a quote, “Nothing has a stronger influence psychologically on their environment than the unlived life of the parent”.) Love does not control or force or manipulate. It doesn’t cling or judge or punish. It opens and it accepts, it listens and it celebrates. It’s curious and it’s kind.

If love means accepting people as they are, it might also mean that sometimes you’ll have to love them from afar if the “as they are” part is too painful for you. This applies when we love people who are hurting themselves or hurting us. You cannot save anyone. You can love people with all your heart, but everyone has to do their own healing, their own work, their own saving.

Genuine love is not conditional. If you are telling a person they must be a certain way in order for you to keep loving them, you’re confused about love. Because love is a celebration, an honoring, a respecting, a giant, I can’t believe how amazing you are type of hang, you know? It’s like watching a sunset and having your mind and your heart blown wide open. It’s accepting the storms, the rain, the hail, the lightning, and the breeze that come along with the sunsets, too. That kind of love is within you, you’re made of it, and nothing feels better than uncovering it if you haven’t yet. I also hope that you are the recipient of that kind of awe. Sending you a big hit of it right now. Ally

The Picture in Your Head

Do you know people who get married because they’re thirty and the clock is ticking, and that’s where they thought they’d be by thirty, and so this guy or girl will have to be the one? Or talk to people with rigid ideas about things, like, if they’re dating someone for a year and there’s no ring, it’s over? How about people who go to medical school because that’s what their dad did and their grandfather, too, and that’s just what people in their family do? When you have a picture in your head about how something should look or feel, you are rejecting things (or people) as they are. Sometimes the person you reject is you, your authentic self.

Life rarely looks like the picture we have in our heads. Sometimes it’s so much more incredible than what we had imagined, and other times it’s way more painful than we had hoped. But there are always opportunities to grow and to open, to dig more deeply and see more clearly. I don’t know why things unfold the way they do. I have theories and ideas like we all do, but who knows if they’re right? Some things are so incomprehensibly painful you just have to let your heart be broken open.

Whatever your feelings, the ability to be with things as they are makes the journey so much easier. To look at your life as it is, with curiosity and compassion for yourself and everyone you encounter, because it’s not an easy thing, this business of being human. To be awake and aware and engaged with what is, not with a daydream or a fantasy or a memory or a picture in your head. I’m not saying thoughts aren’t powerful. The chair you’re sitting on started as a thought in someone’s head. I’m just saying, don’t think your way into a box, where nothing but the picture you’ve imagined will do. Because it might not go like that.

I had a beautiful birth plan with my first, for example. Low lights, no drugs, just a few people to support me. I ended up with a respiratory team in the room, monitors blaring, fear like I’ve never known before or since, panic everywhere. But you know what? I have the most amazing son. Like, insanely amazing. Kind and sweet and smart and funny with a smile that could light up any room. He has incredible enthusiasm for life, hunger for information, a contagious laugh. There’s more love than my heart can hold. So much laughter, so many hugs, such an adventure. And we are both okay. And there has been more joy than I ever pictured or imagined or planned for. Open to what is. Be with it. Explore it. Maybe you’ll be surprised, amazed, heartbroken, head over heels in love. I don’t know. But I do know that whatever you take in as it is, is real, is full of truth, and its own particular beauty, even if it’s the truth and beauty of having your heart broken. This is the ride, this is the best mode of transportation I know. The rest of it is numbed out illusion, a dream, a sleepwalk, an attempt to control something that is really no different than if you woke up today and decided you were going to try to manipulate the tides of the ocean. Just get in and swim. So much love to you, Ally Hamilton

Love Smiles at Strangers

The world is in a state of pain because we’ve separated ourselves from each other. If you look around and wonder why you see despair, depression, war, famine, slavery, greed, apathy, pollution, a planet whose depletion is becoming more and more apparent, the answer is simple. We are at war within ourselves. Nothing is happening outside that isn’t happening inside.

It is true that we are going to be alone through much of our time here, sometimes even when we’re in a room full of people we love. That internal dialogue, that relationship you’re having with yourself, is the number one relationship to examine. Because if your inner dialogue is harsh and unforgiving, you are in pain. If you’re in pain, you’re going to spread pain. You won’t mean to do that, but it will happen. In that case, you are living with a nasty roommate you can’t evict, who makes you feel alone, “less than”, resentful, envious, hopeless, angry and frequently bitter. No way you’ll be treating yourself well if you’re feeling that way. And that roommate has a lot of help “out there” to make you believe those feelings are facts. That help comes in the form of constant messages that we are bombarded with from every direction. (Those messages are out there so that we buy stuff as if that will help). You may find yourself asking questions like, “What’s it all for?”

But that roommate is an impostor, and those messages are lies. There’s another voice inside you that is full of love and compassion and truth. It’s a lot quieter and you have to shut out the white noise (which includes the nastiness of that inner critic, your cell phone, your computer, your television, those horrific “beauty” magazines, gossip rags and anything else that tells you, “you suck”) to hear it, but it’s there. The more you make room for that voice, the louder it will get. It’s just been waiting for you. It’s stronger than the critic, it’s stronger than depression, apathy, and disrespect. It does not ever use the word “should” regarding you or anyone else. It is full of compassion and awareness and patience and understanding and forgiveness. The voice is love. We are all made of the same stuff, love, we have just forgotten.

The world is upside down because of that, and although we are all alone on this journey in many ways, we have separated ourselves from each other in a way that makes the ride scary, that makes true connection with anyone else unlikely. Because of course, if anyone knew who you really were, they wouldn’t like you, right? If you edit yourself, no one can know you, thus you will be, in a very real way, alone, and you will suffer. We need connection, we need love, we need to feel like people know us and care. We all need that–people, animals, the beautiful, giving planet. We look around at the state of things and we are overwhelmed by what is wrong with the picture. The picture could be so different. It’s totally simple, but it’s not at all easy. Because the road to uncovering that love might be dark and lonely and full of pain. The more each person refuses to travel that road to internal healing, the more stuck we all become. Love yourself. Love yourself. Love yourself. Three times probably isn’t enough. Say it to yourself a million times. Say it every time some mean nasty thought pops up. Keep going back to love. If you’re full of love, you’ll spread it wherever you go. You won’t mean to, but it will happen. Love smiles at strangers. Love lends a hand for no reason except that it’s natural. Love doesn’t turn a blind eye. Love doesn’t say, “Well, there’s nothing I can do”. We need a serious love explosion. That’s how the picture changes. Sending you love right now, Ally Hamilton

Expose Yourself (not like THAT)

Sometimes stealthy fear sneaks in using any and all of it’s cohorts–anger, bitterness, doubt, envy, blame, despair, loneliness, shame, or guilt, and puts the mind in a vise grip. Thoughts carry energy, and if you’re in the grip of any of these states, you’ll notice a tangible bunch of sensations in your body, as well. The breath shortens, the shoulders tighten, the brow furrows, and the heart actually hurts. It’s perfectly natural that you would feel alone in these moments, because you are now “outside the flow”, you’ve been tricked away from your natural state of love.

If at all possible, the heart is the place to go. All you can ever do is your best, and sometimes the terrain is rough and rocky, and the way is uncertain. Being human means being vulnerable. The more you embrace your vulnerability, the degree to which you’re able to be with these painful and uncomfortable feelings, is the same degree to which you’ll experience the flip side of all these emotions. When you feel overtaken by a painful feeling, you can also rejoice a little, because you are here, you are alive, you are aware of your feelings and engaged with them.

When we try to avoid the feelings that make our hearts ache, we also close ourselves off to the feelings that make our hearts sing. The pain is there to reveal something, to teach us something, to help us along our way, to give us something essential. And if you can be with that, if you can open to that, you will equally open to the flip side of fear: love, and all it’s cohorts~ trust, forgiveness, joy, connection, worthiness, ownership of your feelings and and knowledge about yourself. Circumstances are constantly changing, giving us an opportunity to keep growing, to keep learning, to keep opening and deepening. Love is always there, always waiting, always ready to spread some light, even in the darkest of times. So even when the ground is slipping out from underneath you, see if you can tap into that love. Let it deepen your breath, calm your mind, and open your heart once again. Then the way will become clear, the strength will be there for you, and a tiny little voice inside will say, “Yes, you can do it”, even if the path is dark and uncertain. Love always lights the way. Sending you some right now, Ally Hamilton

On St. Patrick’s Day and every day, 7 deep thoughts :)

Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Here are 7 Irish Proverbs for you:
1. You’ll never plough a field by turning it over in your mind.
2. Your feet will bring you to where your heart is.
3. It takes time to build castles.
4. It’s no use going to the goat’s house to look for wool.
5. It is often that a person’s mouth broke his nose.
6. You’ve got to do your own growing no matter how tall your grandfather
was.
7. It’s easy to halve the potato where there’s love.
If you start seeing leprechauns you’ve had too much to drink (that’s mine :))

On Gurus, Pedestals, and Dogs…

The work of becoming awake and aware is not easy for anyone, and it’s even harder without a community of people on the same path, and a teacher (or teachers) along the way. When you choose a teacher, hopefully it’s because you feel some energy flowing from them (probably love), and you have some feeling this person has grasped something you may not have, as yet. Otherwise, what can they offer you?

I have had many amazing and gifted teachers along the way, and I have incredible gratitude for each of them. When I first started practicing yoga, I put a few of my teachers on pedestals. I had stars in my eyes and was falling in love with the process of coming home to myself. Once or twice I did this because a couple of them gave me the impression that’s where they belonged. If you put your teachers on pedestals, you do them, and your own process a disservice, although it’s very understandable.

There are a few definitions of guru, and they vary a little between Eastern and Western schools. In the east, a guru is someone who has attained “God-Union”, someone who is going to help to bring you back to God. In the west, a guru is usually thought of as a spiritual teacher, or a “remover of darkness.” We tend to over-use the word in my opinion. Someone can come into your life, and help you begin to lift your own darkness and explore its roots, and heal. I believe that’s the work of a great teacher, to create an environment where healing is likely to occur. These people have a serious and lasting effect on your life, you are forever changed, but if you put them on a pedestal, there’s only one way for them to go. And if they’ve asked you to put them up there, they themselves have gotten lost. It’s a huge red-flag for me when I see someone refer to themselves as a guru, a master, a visionary. That’s a person who has started to lose their grip, and it’s unlikely they’re going to be able to help you much, because they are attached to an image of themselves, and of external confirmation of their own greatness; they have become confused.

If a teacher disappoints you over time due to their actions, it is still possible, and I believe it’s right, to remain grateful for the help they were able to offer to you. Just like a failed relationship, it’s still good to be thankful for the experience, and celebrate the love you were able to explore, and the growth that happened as a result of that. Anything that brings you closer to your truth, closer to that well of love within your heart, more in line with your inner voice, more aware of the divinity that exists within you, is a great thing. Of course if your trust was abused, or your vulnerability was exploited, it’s very difficult to remain grateful. There are a couple of teachers in my past for whom I have mixed emotions. But I’m still grateful they appeared in my life when they did, and helped me along my way, even if they proved to be all too human later.

I’m sharing this with you because I think finding your teacher at any given time is important and not to be taken lightly. Listen to your intuition. If it feels like an act, it’s an act. If it feels like a sales pitch, run. If it feels like a schtick, be careful whose Kool-Aid you’re drinking. I believe the work toward healing yourself and getting back to love is sacred. I believe teaching is an honor, and anyone teaching is hopefully open and honest and aware, willing to share their struggles and imperfections with you, not pretending to be anything other than human. If you’ve been hurt by a trusted teacher, my heart goes out to you. I will say, the best teacher you’ll ever meet lives within your own heart. I’ll also share that the teachers who have never let me down once, and who have removed the most darkness from my path, have been the dog I was blessed to live with for a decade because that was a lesson in unconditional love, and my two children who teach me so much about true love every single day. I have been in the presence of the Dalai Lama a few times, and I believe he has the goods. Other than that, I have been blessed with some very amazing, very human teachers, and I bow to them all. Sending you love, light, peace, and the ability to follow your intuition as you make your way, Ally Hamilton

It’s Not You, It’s Me (for real)

Sometimes the best way to figure out where there may be room for some deep inner healing is to examine patterns in your life. Patterns frequently show up in romantic relationships. If you have not experienced peace and steadiness in your personal life, maybe it’s the time to look back and see if there’s a theme threading through your history. Are you always trying to save people? Are you attracted to partners who are unavailable in some way? Do you go after people who don’t treat you well? Or, are you the one sabotaging your chances for love? Do you run? Do you “check out”? Do you keep finding yourself in the very situation you were trying to avoid?

If you’re getting a yes to any of these, or you recognize other patterns, chances are, you have found the thread that can lead you back to some very old, very deep pain. It seems to be a human tendency to try to “rewrite history”. Even in day to day life, the mind will get snagged on a conversation that has already happened and try to re-do it, to come up with the “perfect” thing to say. But, there’s no potential in the past, it is done, it cannot be rewritten. It’s good to examine it, though, particularly if you feel you might be dragging your past into your present.

If you can identify the “original why” of any patterns you detect, you can take the unconscious repetition out of your future. (Not that it’s easy, speaking from my own experience). Grooves that we repeat are known as “samskaras” in yoga. But your past does not have to determine your present or your future. If you can bring the source (or sources) of your pain into your consciousness, into your awareness, you take the power away from that inner wiring that may be attracting you to the very situations bound to result in more pain. You can “catch yourself”, identify that “old, familiar feeling” that can be mistaken for love (this feels so reminiscent, this must be it!! uh, no), and sit with yourself instead of acting out. Acknowledging and leaning into your pain takes the “heat” out of it, and that old fire that pulls you to act, even when you know you’re heading straight into a brick wall, will start to subside and cool.

Loving yourself is soothing for your soul, it’s a salve, and it’s a relief. The process of rewiring your system will probably be uncomfortable at best, and it’s very easy to slip back into that old groove as you try to head toward something different. Don’t beat yourself up if you feel like you “must” head into another brick wall. Your awareness alone is huge, and beating yourself up will just make the crash even worse. Eventually, the wall will lose it’s power over you. There are other paths to take that lead toward love. Sending you some right now, Ally Hamilton

Be A Leaf, Why Don’t You?

If you were a leaf, everyone would want to look at you and celebrate you in the Fall, when your color was the most vibrant, and you were expressing the fullness of all your experiences. But we cling to the green. People spend a ton of time and energy trying to look green, and we romanticize the idea of wiping the slate clean and being innocent again, having everything ahead of us again.

The truth is, you can retain your innocence if you walk into each experience with curiosity. Nature is teaching us all the time that everything is always changing. Nothing living is exactly the same twice, so you can always walk into a situation with open eyes and an open mind and an open heart. And you can wipe the slate clean at any time. You don’t have to keep your past alive by feeding it too much energy. You can continually, “start again”, allowing yourself to open and grow and embrace your experience as it’s happening. Surprise yourself. You don’t have to put yourself in a box. You don’t have to decide you are “THIS” kind of person, or you would never do “THAT”. Allow other people and experiences to surprise you, too. Examine sweeping generalizations carefully.

When we are “green” we are working it out…our time of greenness usually involves some confusion and loneliness and flailing about. The wind can really whip us around as we try to figure out our purpose, and what it is that’s going to allow our Fall to be full of color. Why cling to that? And as hard as we cling to the green, we also resist our Winter, the time when everything hardens, and gets brittle and cold. We forget to acknowledge and honor and celebrate the wisdom that usually comes when someone is granted a long and healthy life, and that frequently, although the body may harden, the heart can be at its’ softest and most open state.

There’s nothing to cling to, and nothing to resist, it is happening. And if you consider areas in your life where you may be suffering, underneath that pain there is almost certainly a craving for something, or an aversion to something; craving and aversion are at the root of all suffering. At our core, if we keep craving the green and feeling aversion about the inevitable Winter, we will certainly suffer. If you can live your life celebrating all its seasons, rejoicing in your own growth, your expanding potential to spread love, and living in a way that recognizes your experience is fleeting, then you will truly want to be alive and present and open to each moment, you won’t want to miss or minimize or resist anything. You will want to embrace each breath, each conversation, each smile, each tear, each hug, each breeze, each rain, each sunrise, each heartbreak, each joy. Of course it’s human to fear the unknown, but if a leaf eventually falls to the forest floor, and is gently blown into the river, and that water ends up feeding the very tree the leaf grew upon, I think it’s pretty likely we all keep feeding the whole, feeding the LOVE.

Sending you some right now, Ally Hamilton